What I don't like about Japan, but won't make me leave

[Tsuwabuki]

We have plenty of "Why Japan is Cool" threads, and we have a "I don't want to live in Japan" thread, but why not a thread of things we dislike about Japan that are worth dealing with?

This is not about defining absolute "right" vs absolute "wrong." It is rather more about what we feel.

1. Apologies - I've explained this elsewhere, but the Japanese view of apologies and the view I have of apologies are very different. I firmly believe "sorry mends no fences" and without an explanation of wrong doing, including mitigating circumstances, and a plan for mistake prevention, an apology is absolutely worthless. I also do not believe in apologising just for the sake of apologising as some sort of "gamemanship." Apologies used simply as a means to avoid rocking the boat and as political expediency seems dishonest and calculating.

I still do it, because It's Japan(TM), but I don't like it when I do, and I feel like I am being treated badly when it happens.

2. Gender segregation/Patriarchalism (and a lesser ability to loudly object to it) - This is actually fairly difficult to define, because the segregation boundaries are very much glass; that is to say they are present, but sometimes are not entirely visible.

I'm bothered by the tendency of Japanese home room teachers to divide classes up in alternating boy rows and girl rows in many of the classes I teach. I'm bothered by the ability for girls to have access to a trouser variant of the school uniform, but that I'm fairly certain there would be absolute mayhem if a boy wanted to wear a skirt. I'm not comfortable with segregated physical education classes. I'm displeased that every year, student introduction sheets for the classroom are color-coded: blue for boys, pink for girls. Could we get any more stereotypical?

These things bother me when done in the United States, but I find my education experience was generally more co-ed than not, and even in my private schools (I attended both private and public schools) very little beyond bathrooms and locker rooms were segregated. Classes weren't organised in patterns of boys and girls that highlighted the differences between them, and I certainly didn't have segregated gym class. And when events were segregated, and I saw absolutely no value in the events being segregated, I objected rather forcefully. From the time I was a primary school student, I have never suffered misogyny gladly, and my views while in the military are such that I support women in combat, women on submarines, women in command roles, and LGBT individuals serving.

There are plenty of places in Japanese society that seem to directly flow from the segregation I see in schools, and women are very much getting the shorter end of the stick. I'm concerned by what sort of views and perceptions are learned and internalised by both boys and girls when the importance of their gender is highlighted on a daily basis.

When it culminates in one of my ninth grade students telling me how her parents told her she should focus more on getting married than becoming a TV producer like she wants, because they tell her it's too difficult for a woman and she believes them, I tend to get a tiny bit put out. And by put out, I mean outraged. It's one thing for her parents' to hold their beliefs, it's another to make me wonder why the student internalised it so easily. Lack of strong female role models, perhaps?

3. Natto - Can't stand the stuff.

4. Fish - Any fish still whole enough to look at me as I look at it. That's decidedly creepy.

5. Roads - lack of imminent domain in Japan means Japanese roads are tiny, and scary, and I hate driving on them, especially in rural areas or housing estates.

6. No Central Heating/Central Cooling - I understand the monetary decision behind this, but try to avoid the use of Central Cooling in Texas, and you will die of heat exhaustion. Literally. Texas cities provide air conditioners free of charge to elderly and low income families because heat stroke is a very real fear. So I am unnerved by the lack of anything beyond just tiny fans that basically do nothing during the middle of July and August. Call it a survival instinct.

7. Institutionalised Alcohol Abuse - I drink. I drink socially once in a while. Maybe one or two. Three is pushing it. I do not drink alone. I rarely get drunk. Whenever I go out with coworkers, on official group outings, I feel like I am back at university. Surrounded by a bunch of friends demanding I chug, chug, chug. I can usually refuse, but I see how the new coworkers are often bullied into feeling that they must consume absolutely ridiculous amounts of beer or sake to fit in. It strikes me as dangerous, especially given the small frames of some of my newer coworkers. While such peer pressure is not uncommon in the United States, I certainly never experienced it as part of the business culture.

How about you?

[Ronin4hire]

I think its better to think of apologies in Japan as expressions of regret or empathy rather than an admission of guilt or a stepping stone to a solution.

Anyway my list. They are not big complaints but they sometimes make me think WTF?

- Being spoken to in English when I order something at a restaurant even though I order in Japanese. The main reason this bugs me is because I think my Japanese is not bad overall.. but DEFINITELY more than enough to place an order at a restaurant. In addition though... they speak to me in English without asking whether I speak English first. I mean I do but thats not the point. Chances are I could be from a country where English is not widely spoken.

- The extent to which essentialisation of other countries/cultures takes place and is allowed to happen. I mean this happens in all countries but it is usually challenged openly by people who know better. Whats lacking in Japan is this other voice on the shoulder. If it is there then it isnt loud enough. I mean usually its harmless enough and not judgemental which I suppose is in contrast to the way we in the west essentialise others but its still annoying.

[sarasi]

You bring up some very interesting points. I'll just comment on a couple because I have to go out soon. Gym classes at my first high school in New Zealand were segregated, and do you know, I never gave it a thought at the time, it just seemed normal to me.

I will have to think about it, but I don't know how non-segregated gym classes would have worked- school boys in NZ spend a lot of time on rugby, and you really don't want boys and girls playing proper rugby together, people are going to get crushed!

We actually didn't have a trouser option with our uniform although some schools do these days (uniforms are the norm in NZ in public as well as private schools, right from primary school), but boys not being able to wear skirts isn't just a school uniform thing, is it- a salaryman wearing a skirt suit to work here would cause mayhem as well. That's just a societal thing, in no way limited to Japan, so I can't really say it's something I don't like about Japan.

[sarasi]

Originally Posted by Ronin4hire

- The extent to which essentialisation of other countries/cultures takes place and is allowed to happen. I mean this happens in all countries but it is usually challenged openly by people who know better. Whats lacking in Japan is this other voice on the shoulder. If it is there then it isnt loud enough. I mean usually its harmless enough and not judgemental which I suppose is in contrast to the way we in the west essentialise others but its still annoying.

I'm not really clear about what you mean by this, Ronin4Hire. I work as a proofreader and consider myself to have a fairly good level of vocabulary, but it's the first time I have ever come across "essentialisation". Can you give some examples of how we in the west essentialise others and how it is happening in Japan? Is it the same as stereotyping?

[Tsuwabuki]

Essentialisation means thinking of all people in a category have some inherent similarity.

The example used when I learned about it was the view that all members of the African Diaspora have an inherent similarity because of colonialism and slavery.

I reject essentialisationist views. The idea that all women are inherently similar because of their biology is just such a view. It's more than just stereotyping, because it often relies on an idea of something that is far more permanent and less malleable. That it is a limitation that has natural reasoning behind it, and it cannot be overcome.

Your view that boys and girls cannot play rugby together is essentialisationalist, and I reject it out of hand, the same way I reject notions that it is impossible for some woman at some point to meet the standards for being a US Navy Seal, as an example. Rare, perhaps. Yet not impossible.

[dirtyroboto]

On point 5. Roads.

I guess the OP being from America plays a big part in their views on driving in Japan.
Having come from London I can say that even driving through central Tokyo is a pleasure for me.
At least in Japan, the road system can be used for it's intended purpose. In the UK it can be a fruitless exercise just driving 500 meters.

Onto Dislikes...
[Generalisation]
The Japanese have no spacial awareness. When they are walking, driving, cycling ect. they do not pay attention to their surroundings, and have poor control over their choice of locomotion.
When they have to make a split second decision it is mostly the wrong one.

[steven]

I definately feel similar about roads... sometimes they are just too confusing. They don't have street names-- but they sometimes have numbers (where I am at least) and those numbers often bare little meaning to Japanese people (besides a couple of the really big streets). I've learned that each intersection has a name, though. It's ironic because now that I can read them and know that they're there, my eye sight is getting worse making it harder than ever. That's why I just got a navigation. That being said, though, it seems like everyone is really helpful in helping me out if I get lost and ask them. I've had a couple of instances where people point me in the wrong direction though, so I always make sure to get a second opinion.

I also don't quite understand why people have to be at work so much. Working from 6:30 AM until 11:00 PM and living 45 minutes away seems insane to me... There are a couple of my coworkers who do this routinely. They also go to work on weekends for probably half a day. I can understand staying an extra hour or two after work every day, but doing the gauntlet day in and day out seems detrimental to your health and can't possibly be good for your job performance.

Another thing that gets to me sometimes is when people are literally smoking a cigarette and drinking alcohol telling me how to be healthy. It's ironic and hilarious and all... but it seriously makes me wonder.

And dirtyroboto-- I've heard that spacial awareness one a few times before... a canadian guy who used to live here always said that same stuff. I personally don't see it a lot where I am (relatively). In california it was MUCH worse than I've ever seen it here. In fact, people here seem to be SUPER aware and are always curteous about things and will apologize if they mess up. I think you have to be at least a little bit spacially aware to drive through some of these streets, you know? In california everything is jumbo sized, so the second things get a little bit cramped, then there's gonna be accidents(whether it be while driving or walking). There is the ocassional jackass exception to what I just said though... sometimes you get some real birdbrains-- but I think that they're a lot less common than what I've experienced elsewhere.

[Sashimister]

Basically, just another hate thread by an English teacher. They weren't exactly ordered to come here but did so on their own will. Yet all they do here is complain.

Frankly, if everything in Japan were the same as in Texas, I'd be leaving here.

[bELyVIS]

Originally Posted by Sashimister

Basically, just another hate thread by an English teacher. They weren't exactly ordered to come here but did so on their own will. Yet all they do here is complain.

Frankly, if everything in Japan were the same as in Texas, I'd be leaving here.

Japan is the only place I've been that I both love and hate at the same time. That's why it is so unique.

[Nyororin]

When it comes to apologies, I sort of like the Japanese side. I can apologize for something, and the apology is what matters. I don`t have to worry about going into an explanation of WHY or HOW - that isn`t the point. I`m not defending myself. I think it is something that takes time to get used to, as in the US it seems that an apology has to have an explanation in detail to try to get yourself out of the worst of trouble, deflect some of the blame, etc.
In Japan, I can just apologize and that be the end of it. Instead of feeling like I`m being put on trial and requiring a defense, I can apologize and have that apology mean either that I`m personally sorry, that it didn`t have anything to do with me but I`m still sorry it happened... Or anywhere in between and not have to explain that.

There are plenty of issues with gender things in Japan, and I`ve expressed my views on a lot of them in other places in the past so won`t get into any of it here... But I also actually attended a Japanese high school for a while, so may have a slightly different view of some of the classroom issues.

The seating arrangements are actually wonderful compromises. In general, girls and boys group themselves and do not associate with each other if not pushed to do so. Classroom projects usually involve working with the person next to you... So it is a pretty surefire way of getting girls and boys to actually participate equally and to associate with one another. If the seating pattern is entirely random, with no heed paid to the ratio between boys and girls, there will inevitably be a boy or girl isolated inside a group of the other. This also tends to be stressful. A random seating pattern also tends to lead to a higher probability of close knit friend groups being together and inevitably being talkative when they shouldn`t.
It really is a fairly decent compromise in my eyes. In school even in the US, the classroom tended to be split in a similar way when seats were set - maybe not in rows, but boy-girl-boy-girl alternations or table groups with an equal number of both. In Japan it more tended to be ordered by last name, and only split by gender when that style ended up with most girls and boys being grouped together.

A view from the other side in the US - when I was in school I expressed many times an interest in eventually getting married and having a family.
I have never had any teacher, male or female, be supportive of that. I was always told that it would be wasting my life, that I didn`t *really* want to do that, etc etc etc. The other side isn`t pretty either... When I finally did say I wanted to do something else, it was very easy to discourage me as it was a "dream" pulled out of nowhere to please everyone.
You never know what kind of background your student has - she may be rationalizing the fact that her family simply does not have enough money to send her on to the type of education she would need with "it would be too hard."... Something that was pretty common in my circle of high school friends, both male and female.

Food is all down to taste.

The roads... Well, I learned to drive in Japan, on Japanese roads. I find them normal and am pretty comfortable driving down those tiny urban and rural roads where it`s barely wider than the car.
I now find US roads terrifying, and the driving style absolutely violent... I suppose it all has to do with where you`re coming from and what you`re accustomed to.

No one is limited to tiny fans in summer - buy an air conditioner. A lack of central air is not a lack of A/C.

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When it comes to things that specifically annoy me... Hmm... It is hard to come up with specific things that apply only to Japan.
It think the easiest to come up with would be the fake interest in my life (well, the interest is real I assume, but the reasons behind it are falsified) people seem to have. It seems that everyone wants to be my friend and visit my house, but not really out of a gesture of friendship but because it`s cool to have a non-Japanese friend and I`m convenient being as I speak Japanese... And who doesn`t want to see a real foreigner`s house?!?
It isn`t much of an issue these days as I`m not a very friendly person to begin with and am very private when it comes to my personal space, but was annoying for a bit until I made it quite clear that I had no interest in being friendly to satisfy anyone`s interests.

Another would be the assumption that everyone is inherently peaceful and naive... And how any view opposite this is sort of glossed over.
A few years back, my husband was pushed into a corner and volunteered for an interview on international relationships and world peace. (International as in the actual relationship between countries, not individuals.)
He stated that while the dream of world peace was a beautiful and noble ideal, as cultural and religious differences were always going to exist and be enhanced by community and varying levels of isolation, there was little hope of it ever being realized. Wars would always exist at some level, but it was our responsibility to try not to take sides.
In the published magazine, his comments were in whole until that last part - where they cut it off and made him say "World peace is beautiful and noble"... This sort of thing seems to the norm, and is reflected everywhere you look with the representations of Japan being a society entirely devoted to being global citizens that don`t believe in conflict of any sort. And I think this ends up making Japan appear childish when viewed from the outside as the world is not so simple.

LL size women`s shoes are lucky to be 25 cm. They`re usually "24.5 but we think 25 might be able to squeeze into them!" - and most places only stock M at that (23cm). I have never been able to buy a pair of shoes in an actual store as I wear 25.5/26cm.

The fact that everyone just takes it for granted that during the major holidays it is going to be incredibly painfully crowded - and still all crowd the same places as that is what is expected on a holiday. When it comes to what matters on a holiday, actual enjoyment is pretty far down on the list... Which of course makes it impossible for anyone to enjoy something as places are so crowded with people who are just going through the motions out of holiday obligation or something. As shocking as it is to most people we tell, my husband actually volunteers to work over major holidays so that we can have days off when everyone else is not. It is rare for anyone to get the point in this. "But, it`s a holiday! I can`t believe he is working on a holiday! How will you ever make Family Memories(TM)?" Umm, a couple weeks later when we don`t have to fight with thousands of other people?

I`m sure there are more, but I didn`t really plan out this reply.