Homesickness

[Umihito]

How much does homesickness play a part in people's decision to move to Japan, or how long they live there?

I've heard of the stages of moving to a new country. Don't remember them exactly, but it's something like Stage 1: seeing everything good about the country, Stage 2: Settling in, Stage 3: Only seeing the bad points etc.

Does homesickness play a big part in these stages? I mean, I know some people have no reason to be homesick (bad family life etc). But even after a 2 week trip to Japan, I was very homesick. Has anyone here who lives (or lived) in Japan ever felt (or even still feel) strong homesickness?

If you haven't been to Japan, but desperately want to live there, how do you think it'll affect you? Do you consider it to be a major hindrance to your plans, or something that'll stop you wanting to go there for an extended time?

So many questions in this thread, because I always considered homesickness to be a major off put for wanting to move to a different country, especially Japan. Yet it has tens of thousands of Americans living there, with a sizable cut of that probably there for the long haul.

With what I felt after 2 weeks, I can't imagine what it must be like when hitting that Stage 3 and missing home.

[WingsToDiscovery]

This is a very case by case topic. Despite some bumps along the way, I've always been very close to my family, yet I never felt an ounce of homesickness for either them or the area I was living in prior to moving to Tokyo. Although my mother took my moving so far away a bit difficultly, she told me that her emotions should never make me feel guilty for the decision I made to move. So I was basically given the blessing to go, and I just ran with it. That's as far as my family goes.

As far as my general life, it really just boils down to your level of comfortability with inconvenience. Inconvenience that you may not be fluent in the language, that you can't get all of the commodities you're used to back home, your flexibility with respecting other's opinions and culture, etc. I never really wanted for anything that I really couldn't get in Japan, and I've made do with my knowledge of the language and culture even though it's a bit limited.

I've felt both "stage 1" and "stage 2," but my level of "stage 3" is mild, if at all compared to some really grumpy old " English teachers." I'd probably be pretty pessimistic myself if that kind of job was my endgame. But there are times when I do get frustrated, but that's simply a matter of being raised in a different culture. Japanese people would feel the same way if they went to live in the west. There are a lot of inconveniences, and as said before, it's how you cope with them that determines whether you can live in Japan for the long haul.

[Nyororin]

I am one of the rare exceptions - I can`t say I`ve ever felt homesickness in Japan. I used to think it was because the home I`d left was not a good one, but these days I`ve come to believe that it was more because I`d already run through my course of homesickness. My grandparents moved, and at the same time I went to live with my mother. I wanted to go "home", but there was no "home" to go to. For years I felt that I was "staying with" someone rather than "at home", and this didn`t change once I came to Japan.

I`ve definitely felt homesick on trips once I had a stable place I could call home, so I am not immune to it.

I can`t speak from personal experience, but I`ve seen quite a few people go through the stages of culture shock (and generally getting stuck at the negativity stage)... And then leaving when they couldn`t deal with it any more.

I don`t think that homesickness is the main thing that will effect how you adjust... But it will surely have some connection. Homesickness is not really the same as culture shock. Homesickness is missing home (and perhaps family). You don`t need to be in a different culture to experience it. You could be an hour away from home and still feel homesick depending on the situation. Homesickness can surely make culture shock worse, but it is not the main factor.

I don`t think that experiencing homesickness on a short trip is necessarily going to reflect what your experience would be after a move.

You need to keep in mind that moving to another country is different than visiting. A vacation experience is going to be something completely different than attempting to forge a life in a location.
In a vacation setting, you will have nowhere to "call your own". You are living out of a suitcase, without any of the comforts of home and without the majority of your possessions. All the things you hold dear are, well, at home. Things you find you miss or need can`t really be obtained because it would be a waste to get a new one just for a short trip...
Hotel rooms can be nice, but they in no way compare to the safety and comfort of a place that is *yours*.

On a vacation, you have nowhere to retreat to and truly relax. There is usually pressure to get out and do countless things - most likely a complete departure from your normal lifestyle pattern. You can`t really "take a day out" and just lie around relaxing in a familiar environment.

Contrast that to having a home in Japan. You have no pressure to do and see things everyday. There is no strict time limit. You have a place to retreat that is full of YOUR things, and which is your space. Things you miss can be obtained. You have a pattern to your life, and are (or will become in a bit of time) familiar with your surroundings.

People who try to keep up a vacation type of feeling during a long period in Japan seem to hit bottom fairly quickly. Trying to see and do all is not at all conductive to settling in and making a place for yourself.

The biggest thing that seems to govern whether someone can live comfortably or whether they find themselves rocking back and forth whispering obscenities at anyone who glances their way is language ability. The better your Japanese, the better your experience is likely to be. Frustration with communication seems to be the biggest thing that sends people off the deep end. The better you know the language, the better you are at not only understanding what is being said, but at picking up on nonverbal cues and in interpreting unfamiliar situations. Culture and language are strongly entwined, so with language you will gain a level of cultural understanding. And even if something is frustrating to you, the ability to understand it in a cultural context can make all the difference.

[GoNative]

I never felt homesickness at all during the 7 years I lived in Japan. I only ever went back to Australia twice during those years and one of the times was for a funeral and the other for a parents' 60th birthday (otherwise I wouldn't have gone back). Because I lived in a part of Japan that had a reasonably large foreign community there wasn't a huge cultural shock and language ability wasn't a big factor in quality of life. Most of the Japanese people who I worked and played with spoke excellent english, were well travelled and had spent sometime themselves living overseas.

Now I'm in Australia I feel very homesick for Japan. It may not be my home by birthright or nationality but Japan will always be home in my heart. At least I still own a house and business there so I'll be heading back frequently enough.

[WingsToDiscovery]

I think it's quite interesting that none of us have felt homesick. I, like GoNative, also weirdly enough feel homesick for Japan instead of America. I'm currently on a short break in the US and I'm practically counting down the days until I get back.

[steven]

They say homesickness is a cycle that repeats itself indefinitely with varying extremes happening in the peaks and troughs.

I've heard of all kinds of cases... I've heard people say that we all are susceptible to home sickness- it's just that it surfaces in different ways for different people.

For me, I didn't really feel homesickness for a long time. Now-a-days, sure... sometimes I'll feel like I wish I could be back "home". There are certain things about Japanese society that can really get on my nerves if it happens on the right (or wrong) day. That same stuff used to happen where I used to live as well though.

I think it's just that in life there is a certain ebb and flow-- that only gets amplified when you are away from what you consider (either by birth or culturally speaking) "home". "Home" can be a state of mind... I mean, you could apply those 3 stages to an elementary school friendship-- which could all take place at "home".

For me, I have a particular fear of falling into some kind of hell-like "work-life balance" that I sometimes hear about. There are people who literally work every single day... most of the time for about 12 hours, who don't really get compensated for that. Getting to work at 8AM and going home at 9PM is not at all a comfortable thought. Whenever I hear people talking about how that's just the way it is, I do get a bit homesick!

[RealJames]

I missed rootbeer a lot once, then I found a grocery store for foreigners that sold it, that hit the spot...
Then I missed good Mexican food, but now I found an amazing restaurant in Kobe for that...
I missed my car, and driving a lot, but I rented a car and drove around the mountains and that gave me my fix...
I missed hanging out with my friends every day, but then I just made more friends here until the point of even once a month or two I can still see people nearly every day

Now I miss Quiznos subs. That may be difficult to fix.