foreigner married to a Japanese

[jollybean72]

Hi all, I am married to a Japanese man for 10 yrs and have 2 kids. My hubby has been working overseas for more than 18 yrs. We met in my home country and shortly after married, we had our son and 3 years later, our daughter arrived. I have never actually live in Japan as my husband's work takes us to other parts of the world. Soon we are going back to Japan for good and the thought makes me nervous. My kids speak English better than Japanese and my Japanese is not good. I have tried taking classes to improve but without living in an actual environment surrounded by Japanese speakers, I find it difficult to be fluent. I know people will naturally think that since I married a Japanese, I should have no problems speaking good Japanese. I am not a language kind of person. And my hubby speaks English to me mostly and working in other foreign countries where English is commonly spoken, my kids can't speak Japanese well. They study Japanese once a week with a tutor, writes Japanese pretty well. I can read some Japanese and speak only basic Japanese but can'y carry a conversation well. We will be putting our kids in public school in Japan, can't afford the International schools. I wish to find out if anyone who has quite similar situation as me has kids who eventually blend in with the Japanese environment and can cope in their Japanese studies? One is 8 yrs old and another is 5 now. I know people always say kids learn and adapt fast. This is a permanent move to Japan for us. For me, I tell myself I have to adapt and eventually learn to speak Japanese fluently. I am nervous knowing I will be living in Japan for long time and I hope I can adapt and my kids can adjust to life there. Any advice from anyone who have experienced living in Japan or are living in Japan currently? Thanks!

[ryuurui]

Language should be the least of your worries. Kids will pick it up in no time, so will you.

Originally Posted by jollybean72

I know people will naturally think that since I married a Japanese, I should have no problems speaking good Japanese. And my hubby speaks English to me mostly

First sentence - nonsence, I have friends married to Japanese and they live in here and cannot speak Japanese nearly at all.
Second sentence - well tell him to start speaking Japanese then.

[spicytuna]

My father worked for a Japanese multinational corp and many of his friends were Japanese employees who were transferred to his Canadian branch for years at a time. Their children attended a Japanese govt funded cram school (Hoshuko) on the weekends but were able to integrate back into Japanese schools upon their return.

Your son will be thrust into Japanese Grade 3?

It'll be a tough transition for sure but I'm sure he'll adapt eventually.

[ryuurui]

There are international schools, too, besides kids don't learn languages, they eat them like candies. Wish I was a kid...

[jollybean72]

Originally Posted by ryuurui

There are international schools, too, besides kids don't learn languages, they eat them like candies. Wish I was a kid...

Hi, International schools are out of the question because of its high fees. We will be living outside of Tokyo, Karuizawa to be exact. Any insights about the Japanese education school system? Thanks!

[jollybean72]

Originally Posted by spicytuna

My father worked for a Japanese multinational corp and many of his friends were Japanese employees who were transferred to his Canadian branch for years at a time. Their children attended a Japanese govt funded cram school (Hoshuko) on the weekends but were able to integrate back into Japanese schools upon their return.

Your son will be thrust into Japanese Grade 3?

It'll be a tough transition for sure but I'm sure he'll adapt eventually.

Hi there, FYI my kids weren't accepted into the Hoshuko (the cram school as you called it). My kids were required to go for an 'interview' with the Japanese teachers at the cram school which they did but were rejected. In the end, we enrolled them in Japanese kumon centre and each lesson lasts 50 mins, once a week. On top of that, whenever possible, my husband coaches them. My son's Japanese friend whom he met in school would only speak to him in English and I found out that the boy's mother would only let him use English outside home. Anyway, it won't be an easy transition for both my kids but well, they'll probably adapt eventually.

[ryuurui]

I am a not sure if I am the best person to ask this question. I will try to be as little negative as possible. For sure there are good schools and great teachers, I met quite a few myself, but the education methods in general (browsing my brainfor a second) are not successful at developing individual thinking and creativity. 7 or 8 years back I was a guest at the University that "manufactured" English teachers, after which visit I understood why kids cannot speak the damn thing. It's very text book oriented, following ridgid methods and whatever teacher tells you is sacred (same as with a doctor - you cannot argue or in extreme cases, cannot even ask questions). If I were to send my kid to a Japanese school, I would have to attend some classes to see how they teach.

To the fees, yeah I know they are high, but public education isnt that free either. Lots of insane things to pay, that sometime do not make any sense (like a uniform for 70,000 yen). Ask the moms.

As I said, learning language is the least of the problems. I would not worry about that. Kids assimilate fast too, and Japan is not that inaccessible as it was 15 years ago. People are , but Japan isn't.

I am off to count down the second till my post gets bombed.

[p47koji]

Originally Posted by ryuurui

I am off to count down the second till my post gets bombed.

You're hilarious...

I basically agree with Ryuurui; kids will soak it up PROVIDED they keep a good mindset. Also, if your husband at least spoke it once in a while at home, their brains have absorbed at least "hearing" it as babies/children. I strongly feel that is more the 75% of the concern, if any.

While I was born in Japan, we came to the States when dad was discharged from the US Army (he's a Nisei); I was about four then. Since I was with my mom (who saw B-29s overhead) most of the day, I spoke children's Japanese til I was five. When I entered public school, it became all English by the time I was in 1st grade. Japanese language became a foreign language very quickly. However, when I went back to Japan for a couple of years when I was 19, I was able to pick it up better than I thought since I had heard Japanese at my most impressionable youth.

Don't worry about your kids but school will be a challenge, I feel. It is very different. Be aware of bullying. Concentrate on your own language skills as best you can.

Good luck!

[Nyororin]

To the original poster;

Do you have any idea where in Japan you will be going? I may be able to give you some advice or connections in the area.
In the meantime, you might want to check out the Yahoo group MIJ (Married in Japan) for wives of Japanese. They are generally very helpful, and there are a lot of women on there who started out in a situation similar to your own.
I also have been married for 10 years, but we started out in Japan so our situation is quite a bit different than yours.

Elementary school is very accommodating, and if you do some consulting with the school they may allow your children to start out receiving one-on-one tutoring through special support until they are more proficient. Languages are very easy for children to pick up when immersed, so I doubt there will be any huge problems. I would try to get your husband to speak to them more in Japanese now so that they will be able to convey their basic needs and have a foothold at the beginning.

Originally Posted by ryuurui

It's very text book oriented, following ridgid methods and whatever teacher tells you is sacred (same as with a doctor - you cannot argue or in extreme cases, cannot even ask questions). If I were to send my kid to a Japanese school, I would have to attend some classes to see how they teach.

She isn`t going to be sending her kids to the university you were a guest at. They`re just going into elementary school.
Elementary schools are group oriented, but do not stifle individuality. (ie. Be yourself, but think of how it will affect everyone else and be careful not to hurt your peers.)
I have heard that Japanese schools are "difficult" when compared to those in the west, but I haven`t found that elementary school is particularly challenging even for my son. (Mild disability)

To the fees, yeah I know they are high, but public education isnt that free either. Lots of insane things to pay, that sometime do not make any sense (like a uniform for 70,000 yen). Ask the moms.

Elementary school is *free*. Elementary schools do not wear uniforms. The only things you will be required to pay for are lunch (about 5000yen a month) and the account for the 6th year school trip (something like 1000yen a month).
Junior high school is also free in the same way as elementary school (unless you send your children to a private junior high, but only the most competitive parents do) - but there are uniform costs in addition to lunch and school trips. The cost is usually around 50,000 yen for 2 sets. They are very high quality and will actually last the full 3 years (as long as they fit.) Most parents buy large sets and have them adjusted for size.

I am off to count down the second till my post gets bombed.

You should have known it would happen as you don`t seem to know much of anything about elementary schooling in Japan.

[ryuurui]

and what did i tell you.