This is a book that i am writing and i would like to know what you think.

[xYinniex]

It's a good story, but the material isn't quite up to the standard of 'books.'
You should keep at it though, because someday, you will be REALLY good. But for now, stick to creating fanfictions because they are probably the best practice you can get.

[Koir]

Originally Posted by VampireGirl1314

and i didnt even want to turn 13 so why would i want to be 15 that would make me a year older and that would mean being more responsible.>^_^<

Growing older is always more preferable to the alternative. And having more responsibility can be quite rewarding.

[SabakuNoUrei]

Here goes nothing:

The story itself seems very interesting. I like it because its pretty original. Some parts of the beginning were a bit odd to me (A magical werewolf told me not to believe in fantasy so I did, even though I'm a five year old and an active imagination is normal for me. Did I mention that I'm listening to a werewolf's instruction? Since when do I listen to people, I'm five...maybe I didn't know said werewolf was a werewolf but I must be one obedient kid...). Here's another thing, in the selections you have revealed, it's hard for me to tell who is speaking and so, I get confused. There is little to no description like, what does alice look like, what does her violin look like, where does she live, is she rich, poor, middle-class, ect... And, should Alice's abilities be revealed so soon into the story? Of course, all this stuff may have been corrected in the manuscript but I can't see the original manuscript so I'm just telling you what I can and I hope it genuinely helps you out ^_^ It's really good and personally, I'd read it if I came across it in a store. What's the title?

[VampireGirl1314]

Originally Posted by SabakuNoUrei

Here goes nothing:

The story itself seems very interesting. I like it because its pretty original. Some parts of the beginning were a bit odd to me (A magical werewolf told me not to believe in fantasy so I did, even though I'm a five year old and an active imagination is normal for me. Did I mention that I'm listening to a werewolf's instruction? Since when do I listen to people, I'm five...maybe I didn't know said werewolf was a werewolf but I must be one obedient kid...). Here's another thing, in the selections you have revealed, it's hard for me to tell who is speaking and so, I get confused. There is little to no description like, what does alice look like, what does her violin look like, where does she live, is she rich, poor, middle-class, ect... And, should Alice's abilities be revealed so soon into the story? Of course, all this stuff may have been corrected in the manuscript but I can't see the original manuscript so I'm just telling you what I can and I hope it genuinely helps you out ^_^ It's really good and personally, I'd read it if I came across it in a store. What's the title?

Alice The Fantasy Dreamer. and sorry about that my stupid spell check goes
through everything and will fix something that doesn't look quit right but its stupid.>^_^<and this is just a sneak peak because as you could see from the begining that it doesn't look like the begining of the story.>^_^<

[SabakuNoUrei]

Well that's obviously not the beginning...I just had to work with what was given. And really, I don't know why I asked the title, I must be slow. Also, I never comment on grammar and spelling anymore. People know, they don't need to be told four thousand times... Good luck with your story

[VampireGirl1314]

Originally Posted by SabakuNoUrei

Well that's obviously not the beginning...I just had to work with what was given. And really, I don't know why I asked the title, I must be slow. Also, I never comment on grammar and spelling anymore. People know, they don't need to be told four thousand times... Good luck with your story

thanks and i don't need the spell check its just stupid and changes words and everything so i turned it off.>^_^<

[MMM]

If you want people to read it, you must use proper grammar, capitalization and spelling. I got a few sentences in, but writing a story the same way you write a JF post made my eyes hurt.

Engaging the reader means the ease of reading is the writer's responsibilty. Fix that and I will be more inclined to give it a spin.

[mangapunkrocker]

So, very true. I'm a writer also, I've already written so many books, and now I'm just checking them and waiting to get published, the preview was really good, but as the guy in the first post said, it takes time to write books, three chapters can take you up to three months just thinking about them and writting them down then you have to define them. And Vampiregirl if the girl in your books plays violin you should try to at least try to play it once so you know what it feels like and you can define what Alice really feels when she plays the violin.

[VampireGirl1314]

Originally Posted by mangapunkrocker

So, very true. I'm a writer also, I've already written so many books, and now I'm just checking them and waiting to get published, the preview was really good, but as the guy in the first post said, it takes time to write books, three chapters can take you up to three months just thinking about them and writting them down then you have to define them. And Vampiregirl if the girl in your books plays violin you should try to at least try to play it once so you know what it feels like and you can define what Alice really feels when she plays the violin.

I would try to but i dont know if i will be any good at it because well i have a guitar and i took lessons and i couldn't even learn a song but it was fun and i can ask my friend Lelani if she can teach me how to play the violin because i have heard her play and she is wonderful that is why i thought of Alice playing the violin because it is beautiful and amazing.^_^and i am only 14 and this is my first time writing a real book and its just so people can read it for fun and all my friends like it so i will be letting them read it.>^^<

[mangapunkrocker]

That's great, at least you can say you've tried. Seriously try your best. I'm only saying so that if you ever decide to be a writer you have something to go on. Good luck in writting even if it's just for fun, most of the writers of our time, are the best because they just did it for fun. And good luck with your guitar. As for the violin, even if you just pick it up and look at it and try and play a few notes it's all it takes, but if ever want to write for publishing you should go to a concert or watch it on television. (Sorry I love classical music)