This is a book that i am writing and i would like to know what you think.

[VampireGirl1314]

Hi i am Brittany and i am 14 and i am working on writing a book it's called Alice The Fantasy Dreamer and here is what i have so far i hope you like it.>^_^<


Alice the fantasy dreamer.
A girl who believed in fantasy creatures since she was five years old.
Luna was her best friend they were about to give up on
believing until Lelouch came along he was the
friendly type of vampire that you can get close to
and not get eaten by him.
Lelouch loved to meet new people and become their friend.
But his brother disagreed with Lelouch
all the time except this time Lelouch had found the lost princess Alice.
Lelouch had know idea what he was
being told until he found out that Alice had
a very special ability when he was in danger Alice saved him with that ability.
Alice didn't even know about the
powers that she had or the ability that she had it was the
weirdest weekend that she had ever had she was only five her f
riend Luna ran into a where wolf and was told to not believe
in anything that involved fantasy creatures and Luna did
what the where wolf said and ever since that day Luna
hasn't believed in fantasy creatures or anything to do with fantasy.
Alice is now fourteen and on her way to high school she is
home schooled because of her
ability and power she has friends but no one else
can see them unless they want to believe in fantasy.
Alice has been busy all the time because she
has house work and a job to go to so she doesn't get to
meet very many people her age or younger unless she has the day off.
Alice is always out and exploring with Lelouch but they get
into a lot of trouble all the time but they have fun Lelouch
likes Alice but wont tell her and he might tell her anytime
but he wants to wait until her 16th birthday but since
she is fourteen going on fifteen he wont be able to keep
it from her for long.
Alice do you like me?
Yes i do like you Lelouch you are a very nice friend.
thank you but i mean do you like me more then
a friend like a boyfriend?
yes and that is the same as a friend silly.
no its not the same i mean as a real boyfriend!
oh i get it now well how do you think i feel?
I don't know i cant read your mind like you can i can
only act like a vampire around you the only good
power i have is to put a spell on people thats the best i can do.
oh and all i can do is grow wings and fly away,charm
people,read their mind,and help someone in need of help.
that is like a million things that you can do that i
cant its not fare i should be the one helping you
when you are in danger not you helping me.
I know but that is life.
are you even paying attention to me you are
paying more attention on your violin then me.
well that is because i need to practice and
you are interrupting me again and again and i
need to pay attention to my music so don't make me
start singing that
lullaby that you fall asleep to.
don't you dare i can put you to sleep to.
that spell never worked on me before so how could it
work now huh?
I don't know i don't go to school remember.
well i am home schooled so why cant you be?
you cant learn about vampires from home schooling.
you can if you have a tutor i have a tutor and she teaches
me everything i need to know.
are you talking about Lorin she cant tell you anything its
all the wrong stuff that she tells you.
no it not you just don't like her because she can
see you and you don't want her to.
well of course i don't want her to be able to see
me and she doesn't believe that i am a vampire.
well i guess you should prove it to her with your teeth.
okay i will gladly take a bite out of that old witch.
no that is not what i mean i mean show her your hangs
so she can see that you weren't lying to her.
like she will believe that stupid thing it would be better
for me to just take a bite out of her it wont hurt at all.
Lelouch will you just leave me with piece and quiet for
fifteen minutes do you think you can do that.
fine but if that stupid lady doesn't believe that i am a vampire
i will prove it by taking a big old bite out of her.
go ahead i don't care anymore just be quiet already.
okay, okay i get it you want to play your violin.
yes i do so good bye.

[KikiBunny23]

woo, I already told ya that I thought it was awesome ^_~

[VampireGirl1314]

Originally Posted by TheLastFortnight

It's a little hard to read, because you should use a dash (-) or quotes ("") to separate the dialogues. It would help if you divide it in chapters, then you can post it one by one each day.
The name Alice it has something to do with that of Lewis Carrol? So she's fourteen like you and she has vampire friend? When he is hungry what does he eat, is it easy to him to be close with her? Does she is like yourself? Do you think it's more easy to write about someone like yourself, rather than someone completely different? So it's a little auto - biographic?

okay that is where you are wrong she is almost 15 and i am almost 14 so a year different and i dont play the violin and Lelouch goes hunting four times a weak in his world and i dont see anything that makes Alice and me the same.>^_^<and yeah i kinda copied all of the chapters so i could post it and well that made it knida hard for people to read.

[KikiBunny23]

Originally Posted by VampireGirl1314

okay that is where you are wrong she is almost 15 and i am almost 14 so a year different and i dont play the violin and Lelouch goes hunting four times a weak in his world and i dont see anything that makes Alice and me the same.>^_^<and yeah i kinda copied all of the chapters so i could post it and well i hard for people to read.

i think what he meant was....do you base alice off of you. like, do you wish you could play violin or would you rather be turning 15. stuff like that

[lulu]

Really good!!!! I liked it very much!!!
I can't wait to see what happens next!!!

[VampireGirl1314]

Originally Posted by KikiBunny23

i think what he meant was....do you base alice off of you. like, do you wish you could play violin or would you rather be turning 15. stuff like that

ah i see and no i dont base Alice off of me she is just another character that i drew and well after i made all of these drawings i wanted to write a book and make it interesting but i would hate playing the violin so much hard work and effort you have to put into that no.and i didnt even want to turn 13 so why would i want to be 15 that would make me a year older and that would mean being more responsible.>^_^<

[VampireGirl1314]

Originally Posted by TheLastFortnight

It doesn't matter if you play violin or not I was talking about maturity, it'll be hard if you write about someone too different from yourself, because you dunno the way they're thinking and I don't think a year or so can make a great difference. She's still think as a teenager like you and it is the thing that matter, of course there's no problem with that. About the vampire he really like to go hunting or he is just holding himself down? I think the male vampires prefer to bite a neck of a pretty girl, than rats or something like that and if he likes to hunting he's like human, because there's many people that actually like to do it.
What kind of vampire is he? Do you know different types like succubus/incubus, nosferato or something like that?

he is a pure blood and as it says in the book he wants to take a bit out of Lorin's neck so i don't really know i guess i have to find out what my mind finds about vampires and Alice has special powers and i still don't think that its anything like me because i am up during the night and she is up during the day and later on in the book you will find out something but you have to wait for me to finish the chapter.>^_^<

[VampireGirl1314]

Originally Posted by TheLastFortnight

You misunderstood me again the things you do day by day doesn't matter I was talking about the way you think, for example: a teenager girl thinks different from a boy or a more older girl. And don't get angry with me if I said something that upset you, I really don't mean.

dont worry you dont upset me besides i am suppose to listen to my elders and now i get it but i dont get it at the same time i just write down stuff that my brain comes across.>^_^<

[neoark400]

Good fantastic story, I must say. If can write more fantasy story with adventure will be better, I guess.^^

[VampireGirl1314]

i am going to go get something to eat, you want anything?
no just go now Lorin will be here soon and if i don't practice now i wont be able to until next weak.
eh who cares its just a stupid violin.
its not stupid its what makes me happy if i was without my violin i would be nothing but a weird girl that no one even likes.
thats not true i like you Alice.
no you don't your just trying to make me feel better but it wont work.
Alice i am sorry that i said your violin was stupid i love your music and the violin wont play that beautiful music unless my beautiful Alice i the one playing it so don't believe my stupid insults okay because i am just a big jerk remember you said so when you were five.
you, you think my music is beautiful?
yes and you are as beautiful as the music you play.
really you think so!
yes i do now i am going to go get something to eat would you like anything at all because you haven't had breakfast yet and i worry about you not getting enough protein.
well you can make me a sandwich if you want to.
okay i will be right back now start practicing your violin okay.
okay i will start practicing right now.
good i love to hear you sing to your voice is beautiful as well.
okay i will sing.
well Lelouch its been a long time.
Emit why are you here i thought you had work to do.
i lied i had to keep an eye on you and Alice because her dad told me to.
the lord asked you to but i can take care of her by myself.
oh please you don't even think about how she feels about you.
yes i do she is starting to like me more then hate me.
poor Lelouch she is in love with you and you couldn't even figure that out i guess learning something is harder for you then it was for me.
she is in love with me but she never said anything she always argues with me instead.
well you haven't told her how you feel and you already know what you are suppose to do when you turn nineteen or did you forget.
i didn't forget that is years away i have a long time left to tell her how i feel.
you only have four years left out of all the years that you have been friends to tell her how you feel.