Please review...thank you :P

TokyoRain · (#1 (**permalink**))

~*Hidden Here*~

Here in your arms I am hidden,
In your stare I am drowning,
On your lips I am melting.

Forever more I am prisoner to your soul,
my devotion,
our completeness.

Continually I am here,
Trapped if only by my will.
And crying at the way you love me.

So if all I remember is your scent,
your feel,
your laugh.
I can bear it,

Forever more.....
I am here,
Hidden in your love as deep as the seven seas.

I know that there is a thread for poetry but I want feedback so if you could be so kind...

DagothUr · (#2 (**permalink**))

I know it's not ment to ryme, but a little couldn't hurt. Content's good though. (again, personal opinion)

Salvanas · (#3 (**permalink**))

I'm not a poet, and I don't know much about poetry.

But surely every poem has a structure, where-as yours does not. You might want to work on that.

YoruKage · (#4 (**permalink**))

I dunno... i thought it had structure, and not all poems rhyme. I give it a thumbs up! It conveys the messages that I'd think are meant for a lover? Well, I like it...

Another things about poetry:
Not everyone will like your style... but there will always be someone behind you too. n_n

+~*Yosei*~+

TokyoRain · (#5 (**permalink**))

thanks for your comments guys

DagothUr · (#6 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by YoruKage

I dunno... i thought it had structure, and not all poems rhyme. I give it a thumbs up! It conveys the messages that I'd think are meant for a lover? Well, I like it...

Another things about poetry:
Not everyone will like your style... but there will always be someone behind you too. n_n

+~*Yosei*~+

True, thus the disclaimer

Aniki · (#7 (**permalink**))

I never could understand such poems, so I always preferred ones that rhyme.
But if someone told this poem in person, I guess I'd be...... speechless.