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08-15-2007, 08:07 PM
I write occasionally (at least) every week, made some minor stories (some never finished completely) and some crappy poems. I write mostly in fantasy but I have a strong passion for science-fiction too, and my poems are mostly about love, death, vampires, demons, Hell or the apocalypse.
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08-15-2007, 09:21 PM
King
Name: Ryan Figueroa Personality: Laid back, can be care-free at times, deep thinking, can have a snap back attitude, and funny. Back round: His family moved to Japan while he was no older than three years of age. At the age of fifth teen, her name was Sasaki Muya, she was the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, she had medium cut brown hair that seemed to flow in her direction everywhere she walked, she was blessed with pretty brown eyes, and a smile that even the blind could bare witness to. Her bust size was one of the biggest in school, and a butt to match. One sunny, bird-chirping, cherry blossoms blooming, afternoon, he was walking to Sasaki’s locker to meet her after their 3rd period had ended. He saw her kissing another man, this man happened to be the most popular guy in school. His name was Kazuki Yamamoto, he had short cut black hair and a pearly white smile. His eyes were as green as the grass that outlined the school’s courtyard. Ryan was so mad, and full to the brim with anger, that he walked over to Kazuki, and knocked one of his front teeth out. If it wasn’t for one of the English teachers who saw the fight from down the hall, Ryan would’ve hit Sasaki as well, and just as hard. Ryan was suspended for a few weeks, but came back to do very well in all of his classes. Karma, works in the most mysterious ways, and as revenge for Ryan’s quick to violence attitude, Kazuki has a little brother who goes to the same junior high school as his little brother. One day while Ryan’s little brother was walking home, Kazuki met him about halfway, Kazuki gave an evil grin and beat the living hell out of him. As Ryan’s little brother screamed and yelled for help…nobody came. Later that night on the news, the news lady was on the scene of the murder. A picture of Ryan’s little brother was on T.V. a bloody mess, his face was so battered and bruised that he was hardly recognizable. Ryan knew exactly who it was, and marched right out of the door to finish this once and for all. As he walked down the street fists clenched, tears hitting the damp concrete beneath his feet, he was going to explode on Kazuki. That’s how King, Silver, and Shadow were born. Ryan knocked on Kazuki’s door, it seemed like his parents weren’t home…perfect. Ryan broke the lock on his door, and made his way up to the second floor, he heard a voice come from a nearby room. He snuck up and opened the door ever so slightly, that not even a mouse could get through. He saw Kazuki on his side with his hand down in Sasaki’s underwear, her constant moaning must’ve gotten on Kazuki’s nerves, because he shut her up with his slimy tongue. Ryan was very angry at this sight, and he slammed the door open so fast that it took about 2 seconds for Sasaki to scream. Kazuki stood up, and ran at Ryan with a knife he pulled out of his pocket. Kazuki stuck the knife out as far as he could right for Ryan’s eye, to counter the technique Ryan grabbed Kazuki’s wrist as tight as he could with his right hand, and put his left hand on the shoulder blade. Ryan spun around and brought him to the ground. He broke Kazuki’s right arm at the elbow, he turned Kazuki on his back and started a fury of angry punches on his face. Sasaki screamed as the bloody beating continued, then Ryan’s childhood friend ran in and held Ryan back before he killed Kazuki. Her name is Yuna Shikimori. She had light blue, a little longer than medium hair, with a short ponytail in the back. Ryan secretly loved her, but he didn’t think she loved him, so he never confessed. She had the most beautiful blood red eyes he’s ever seen. She was also pretty busty, and was also very popular in school, for her academics, and her athletics She pulled Ryan off in time right before he placed the finishing blow. Ryan gave a struggle for a little bit, but calms down, and stomps his way out of the house, while Yuna follows, telling him to stop and explained what happened. Yuna finally had enough and pulled Ryan’s arm. Ryan stopped and looked at her. Yuna: Come in and tell me what’s wrong…please. Ryan: Ok. *Ryan followed Yuna into her house, which ironically happened to be right next door to Kazuki. Anyway Ryan explained what had happened and Yuna can only sympathize with him, for she has never lost someone in her life. Yuna also loves Ryan and can’t tell him for the same reason’s Ryan can’t tell her. They sat around and talked for a while, and they hugged for a minute. The exact second that they released from their hug and were about to have their “first kiss moment” the police busted in the room, and tackled Ryan down to the ground. Ryan struggled furiously, and his adrenaline kicked in so he wasn’t about to give in anytime soon. He was put in cuffs, and as the officer was lifting Ryan up from the floor, Ryan head butted the officer right in the nose, and probably broke it. The second officer tried to grab Ryan from the front, but Ryan kicked the officer in the chest, Ryan was about to make a brake for it, but while he ran down the hall way, Kazuki tripped him, and started punching him, like Ryan did to him not to long ago, only with the only mobile arm he had. The cops didn’t even stop him, Kazuki’s father was one of Japan’s most powerful, and wealthiest men after all. Rumor has it that Kazuki’s father bribes the cops so his little boy doesn’t get busted. They just watched as Ryan’s face became masked in blood. Yuna tried to stop Kazuki, but the cops held her back. When they lifted Ryan up for the second time, Ryan was so weak that they had to drag him out of the house. They threw him in the car, and brought him down to the station. No files were charged. Ryan was suspended from school again, this time for a month. That was two years ago, Ryan, & Yuna grew closer during suspension, and on one beautiful evening Ryan finally confessed his love. Yuna smiled, and told him the same, ever since then they’ve been going out. King despised it, Silver made fun of it, and Shadow didn’t care.  Family Sister(s): SakuranoNamida Eddie Guerrero (1967-2005)
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08-15-2007, 09:34 PM
Hello!!! Not bad... I like the fact that you are trying to portray emotions and action on approximately the same level... hmm, well, what i did not like that there were some gaps in the story, where something must be told and filled in and the other thing is the fluidity of your telling pace, as in one moment you go really deep in-to one of your characters emotions and the moment you are galloping over a lot of stuff, like character backgrounds...
Hmm, just don't rush and read over what you have written, there could something really great come out of it... 
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08-15-2007, 10:18 PM
I'll try to do better on Chapter 2, I'm writing right now. I'll be able to give it to you guys no later than tomorrow.
Family Sister(s): SakuranoNamida Eddie Guerrero (1967-2005)
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08-15-2007, 10:31 PM
Hello!! Yes, I do write. It is one of favorite hobbies ^^ I really like writing stories and so far I started writing yet another one, and I have 5 stories in a website.
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08-15-2007, 10:42 PM
Quote:
Family Sister(s): SakuranoNamida Eddie Guerrero (1967-2005)
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