Raising Children in Asia

[Lilongyue]

I was hoping to pick the brains of some of the people, like Nyororin, living and raising chldren in Japan. I'm American, marrying my Chinese fiancee in a few days, and am considering raising my children in Asia. I currently live in China, but don't want to raise my children in Mainland China. I am thinking about finding work in Hong Kong after I finish my schooling, or perhaps another place in Asia (probably a Chinese speaking one since I'm studying Chinese language). For those of you with children in Japan, who are raising your children there, how do you plan to introduce or impart those aspects or your native culture that you see as beneficial to your children? Will you make sure they speak English?

[terra104]

not all cultures and traditions are perfect, i think you should take the best of yours and the best of hers, synchronise them and let your children experinece both.. as for the language, i would have them learn both chinese and english..

[Nyororin]

I personally plan to take it on my son`s cues.

In other words, if he shows no interest, I have no plan to push things. I have met too many children whose parents have forced English and non-Japanese culture on them. Most (actually all the children I`ve met) ended up hating all of it when they went to school and found that they were nothing like their peers - and couldn`t even speak the same language properly. That, on top of looking different? I don`t think so. Not going to happen in our case. Better for my son to just not know English than to outright hate and avoid it and me because of it.

So we only speak Japanese. We only really do normal Japanese things. IF my son later expresses an interest in learning to speak English - by all means I will teach him. If he doesn`t, well, we live in Japan and it really isn`t a necessity to life. I`m sure he`ll later become aware that I don`t quite look like everyone else - and when those questions come up I`ll introduce whatever traditions, etc, I feel are a benefit at the time.

I really think the key is;
1) where you plan to live for the rest of your life. If that plan eventually includes your native country, it`s going to be best to have the language and cultural skills to survive there.

In our case, we have absolutely no plans to leave Japan - in fact, my husband can`t speak English at all really - so for us any non-Japanese language or traditions are really not a necessity. Not that they`re a bad thing to have - they`re just not really needed.

And 2) How strongly you feel about your native culture and language. If you feel that you can`t truly connect to someone outside of your native language, or if you are not so skilled in your other language, it could be very important. Also, if your family had very strong traditions that you feel you need in your lifestyle.

In our case, US culture isn`t really going anywhere. My family didn`t really have any special traditions. I don`t really feel compelled to make new "US-style" family traditions JUST so that I can push them on my child.

[MMM]

I'll just give this take on it.

I have a Japanese wife and a 4-year-old son and we live in the US, but visit Japan at least once a year. Even though we live in the US, we maintain a pretty much Japanese-speaking household. My son has Japanese friends (large population here) and American friends, and "swirled" friends like him.

He was almost a total Japanese speaker up until he turned 4, but now he has really pushed himself (all on his own) to speak more English. He elects to watch more English videos and, as a result, is more vocal with his English-speaking friends.

I would say give your child the chances to speak both. (At the very least, the grandparents will be happy) and keep it up. I know more than a couple Japanese/American people that say "I wish my parents spoke more Japanese to me when I was a kid", so we are making a real try to help him be bilingual.
It is cool, because now he say "How do you say X in English" or "How do you say X in Japanese" even though we never made a distinction to him (He must have noticed from people around him who can speak one or the other).

[Nyororin]

Thinking about this a bit more, and reading MMM`s response...

If we were in the US, more than likely, we would go the 100% Japanese route in the home. However, in Japan the opposite is impossible.
Why? Because my husband does not speak English, and has no interest in learning. As there are only two major recognized paths for bilingualism - One person one language, and Different language in the home - I would have to speak to my son in a language my husband does not speak. I would be essentially shutting him out of our world. Everyone says "Well, he`d just have to learn then." but it`s not nearly that simple. Already, as he is working and his time with our son is limited to begin with - it would be making another wall between them.

It isn`t worth it in my eyes. If my son wants to learn later on, he can. Bilingualism isn`t something you have to obtain during early childhood.

Although, to be quite honest, it`s really a moot point right now as my son can`t speak anything at all yet.

[mulattoraver]

My daughter is one year old right now and is starting to mimmick both my wife's Japanese and my English. Of course most of what she says is baby talk. I've heard her say, "baby" and "chodai." Whether she knows what she's saying or not is one thing but the fact that she's starting to mimmick speech is big. There was a really good Newsweek publication about how babies learn. One of the facts that really surprized me was that babies start to "search" for grammar at seven months. What does this mean when to a child raised in a house with Japanese and English, where the grammar is so vastly different?

I worry for my daughter since, as Nyororin said, it's hard enough for a child to start school being "different." I've worked in the public school system in Japan and seen what "mixed" kids and "non-Japanese" kids can go through. Just like back home, how they fare depends on how well they can fit in. Looking different isn't usually much of a problem and can even lead to a sort of celebrity status. What got some of my students in trouble was when they would make mistakes speaking. Standing out does not exclude you from the group in Japanese schools but being foreign TO THE GROUP does. Speaking Japanese well will be crucial to my daughter's enjoyment of school. No matter how much I wish that she grow up bilingual, she will resent my efforts if they keep her from making friends at school. Not to discourage anyone but few of the Japan-born students I met spoke their (foreign) parent's language.

The best thing to do then is to give her a place to speak English that will be good for her and not just my parental ambitions. I think that MMM makes an excellent point about his child having Japanese friends and English friends. What his child really has is two environments to speak freely in. He learnt his Japanese at home and gets to use it with his friends. He has also learnt English and has his American friends to chat with. I think the great thing is that MMM's son has grown up with the two languages being a part of his every day. There have always been two languages in his home.

My hope is that my daughter will gain some proficiency in English--I don't expect her to be perfectly fluent growing up in Japan--which she can use to talk to her Canadian family and which she can use to make English-speaking friends here in Japan. We live in Yokohama where there is a very large English speaking population so there should be some opportunities for her to make friends in both camps.

Language and culture come from everyday experience. I have no plans to force my own culture on my daughter since I will fail. I'm hoping to just make it a part of her childhood. I don't want to say, "Speak English!" or "Sorry honey, I don't speak Japanese." I'll continue to speak English to her and nothing else.

[samokan]

I don't have a child on my own, but I witness the growth of my friends daughter, she is about 5 now and she was 2 when I first met her.

She can understand 3 languages and 1 dialect. Fluent on 2 language; English and Japanese, can understand our local dialect Bisaya and speak a little, and now starting to understand our national language which is Filipino.

At home since both parents can't speak Japanese, they speak to her in Bisaya and English. Since her mother is a teacher in a international kindergaten school, she started going to school at age 1, so she learned both Japanese and English in School.

At home, they live as a normal Filipino family, but since she goes to a Japanese School her mom would still follow some japanese style, specially with the bento preparation and other children stuff, so that she would not be left out. And it works well.

Before she could not switch between languages, so the first language she heard in the morning that would be her language for the whole day. So if she heard Japanese first, she speaks Japanese . If she heard English she speaks English. As she grows older she sometimes mix all languages when she speaks.

I totally agree with you all. Culture should not be forced on the kid, they will bound to hate/dislike it especially if its totally different with what they saw in there sorroundings. What we can do is let them slowly learn , and discover it. If they ask why then explain it properly.

[Shouganai]

Originally Posted by Lilongyue

I am considering raising my children in Asia. I currently live in China, but don't want to raise my children in Mainland China. I am thinking about finding work in Hong Kong after I finish my schooling, or perhaps another place in Asia (probably a Chinese speaking one since I'm studying Chinese language). Will you make sure they speak English?

Practically every SE asian country has a strong Chinese community, and they tend to control the biz, eg. Thailand, Indonesia, or Malaysia or Philippines if you want significant English.

[Lilongyue]

Thanks everyone for sharing your experience. It's actually quite hard to find foreigners living long-term in China, with families, etc. I posted a similar question around the same time on a similar forum for foreigners living in my city, and haven't had one response so far . . .

I was hoping that the bi-lingual thing would come naturally with my children. I think that if both languages are present throughout their childhood they will pick them up naturally. My wife and I want our children to speak both English and Mandarin. Languages are very valuable, and being bi-lingual would be very useful to them in the future - in terms of work, and being able to speak with both sides of their family, haha. My wife has learned English, and so we could speak to our children in both languages. Honestly, I for one hate the fact that I grew up so language deprived, as most Americans do.

Naturally, I wouldn't want my children to resent Western culture, but I feel that it has valuable things to offer, so I want to try and teach some of it. I'm not sure if I'll have much control over how much Western culture my children absorbs, if they grow up in Asia. Hopefully, they will only get the best of both worlds.

[Lilongyue]

Here's an interesting thread about raising multilingual children. Most of the people are living in Hong Kong, where their children are aquiring three languages:

Ask an XPAT: Moms & Dads - What age to start teaching 2nd language?