Inter-racial attraction

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by bELyVIS

If you read what I wrote I said she is submissive by nature and I didn't say I wanted her to submit to me. Most Asian women are raised this way. I don't agree with that but that is just the way it is. If anything I am teaching her not to be submissive. By her being submissive she is happy when I show her I value her as my equal. She is also happy that I don't treat her like my piece of property. I am happy that we are able to compromise (I don't always get my way and that is fine by me). We do have a loving relationship because I am showing her that her upbringing isn't how life has to be and that I respect and love her enough to let her help me with our decisions in life.
As far as what I wrote that got you mad, I say who cares? I don't expect you to understand because: A. You are not a man dating American women, and B. You are not an American Woman. I have dated many women from all over and just don't like how American women act any more (my sister included). You can't have a 50-50 relationship if one is trying too hard to be equal. Granted women have been treated badly by alot of macho men, but there needs to be a happy medium where both partners treat each other with respect and realize they can't have their way always. By overcompensating alot of women have become downright bossy. This is not a good relationship. Marriage has become a gamble at best since the feminest movement started. Just look up when the divorce rate shot up. 1960's (start of the feminist movement) to the present and it's getting worse.My parents have a great relationship because neither trys to run the marriage.
Where does rape, porno, or anything else come into this? Porno is done by two slezy people accepting money to do those things(if anyone believes that the pizza deliveryman gets sex every time he delivers a pizza, they need serious help it's all a stupid fantasy written by a slezy person a man or woman). Rape is just violence that should be punished by death.These have nothing to do with a relationship.
I apoligize for nothing since I know I am not doing anything to be ashamed of. My opinion is based on years (yes, I am older than most here) of observation and experience.

I'm not asking you to apologize. I guess you assuming that I am means you're being slightly defensive, which suggests that you feel guilty about something. I don't have anything to do with that, though.

Again, it's great that you have a loving relationship. But both this time and last time, you said that you like that she submits to you. I can't remember the exact words, but last time I think you said that you like that she strokes your male ego or something like that. I'm just asking why you like this.

And um - well, I'm not sure if this really has anything to do with this thread, or if it matters at all, but I AM American. I'm also a gay, and have dated women before. The same gender roles seen with men and women are found with lesbians and gay men. Someone is expected to submit. Again, I'm not sure if this has anything to do with the point, but since you brought it up I thought I should clarify.

About divorce and the feminist movement: are you suggesting that women should have remained in an oppressed state for the sanctity of marriage? Oh my.

I already explained why porn and rape have to do with this post. It's violence against women. Women's rights are not all about, "It's YOUR turn to do the dishes, honey!" as you had suggested before. I was merely trying to straighten that out for you.

[MMM]

At least in Japan I have observed that men tend to live with their parents until they marry, so women are sometimes raised to basically take the reigns from the mother to be the next woman to take care of her man.

This is a generalization, but I see that the older generation of men, at least, are not very good at taking care of themselves. This may be partially due to a lifetime of handholding, from mother to wife. Men are lucky their wived tend to outlive them. I knew of a older Japanese guy whose wife sadly died. He didn't know how to cook, and ate instant ramen one or two meals a day. He died of malnutrition a year later.

I think the image of Japanese women as "submissive" is a bit of a misunderstanding in the west. (Again, generalizations) but Japanese women tend to "take care" of their men, but they certainly like to be taken care of, as well. I think relationships in Japan are 50-50 in a way as well, but What BELly is describing is in America men and women doing EVERYTHING 50-50. Today I'll wash the dishes and you dry, and tomorrow you wash the dishes and I'll dry. This kind of thing is pretty rare in Japan, the 50-50 is more global in perspective. You make the money and I'll take care of the house, keep you fed. Japanese women allow men to look like the boss on the surface, but behind closed doors everyone knows that women run the household. It isn't uncommon for men to give their wives their paychecks and the wife to give the husband an allowance (again, my experience is in the older generation, so I don't know about newlyweds today).

Maybe it is because I lived in Kansai, but "submissive" is one of the last words I would use to describe the women I knew. Sometimes quiet, sometimes demure, but rarely submissive.

I am not sure that pornography is reflective of the fantasies of all of America, but rather reflective of the people that consume pornography, which I don't think is a majority of the population. Just as the I don't think the wild and weird pornography of Japan is reflection on the entire country. Maybe the reason women in some pornography are submissive is to fulfill a fantasy that does not exist in reality.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by Miyavifan

That's true. I'm one of them.

now, don't get me wrong. I don't rule anyone out. The last person I was with is Hispanic. But it's Asians who really draw my interest.



not me.

Okay, then I'm curious: why are you so attracted to Asians?

[MMM]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

I'm also a gay.

You told me using "gay" as a noun was "condescending" and I should say "gay people". I just want to make sure that is still true or not.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by MMM

You told me using "gay" as a noun was "condescending" and I should say "gay people". I just want to make sure that is still true or not.

It is still true. I'd meant to say, "I am a gay woman," but apparently forgot to type that out. So sorry.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

It is still true. I'd meant to say, "I am a gay woman," but apparently forgot to type that out. So sorry.

Thank you for clearing that up. It is appreciated.

[Barone1551]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

Okay, so I REALLY want to marry a Japanese guy. I think Japanese men are the sexiest men in the world. They're all really quiet and listen, and I like that they all have this feminine thing about them. The next time I go to Japan, I'm going to try to find a Japanese guy so that I can marry him.

... Does anyone really not see a problem with someone saying that?

Also, I think it's pretty unfair to say that any one race is more attractive than another. People are people, and can be of all different colors. A person can have dark skin, and identify as white - just as a person can have dark skin, and identify as black. West Indians also have a history of Asian lineage, so a person in the West Indies can look Japanese when really they're Trinidadian.

I think it's fine to be interested in someone because of their culture. Culture helps to shape a person's values and beliefs, a person's personality and background - whereas race... is just as shallow as the person's skin.

People are people, but I think you can find attractiveness in certain races. Be attracted to a certain look. But I will agree when it comes down to it, it is more about the personality of the person. That comes above all else. But as far as physical attraction I dont really see anything wrong with saying on average you find yourself more attracted to certain looks.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by Barone1551

People are people, but I think you can find attractiveness in certain races. Be attracted to a certain look. But I will agree when it comes down to it, it is more about the personality of the person. That comes above all else. But as far as physical attraction I dont really see anything wrong with saying on average you fine yourself more attracted to certain things.

To me being attracted to one particular race is exoticizing that race. Saying that one race is more attractive, to me, sort of says that a person is attracted to the processed ideas of what that race signifies.

For example, there are some people that believe West Indians are "exotic." Those same people tend to believe that, in the West Indies, we don't have cars, that we run around in grass skirts, and that we live in huts. Those people are more attracted to the idea of being "less civilized" than us as people. I may be assuming, but when I hear someone say that they're attracted to the Japanese race, I immediately imagine them being attracted to Japanese kimonos or the men and women in jrock bands with spiky hair. It's modern-day the idea of being attracted to "the orient." It's also stereotyping.

[Barone1551]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

To me being attracted to one particular race is exoticizing that race. Saying that one race is more attractive, to me, sort of says that a person is attracted to the processed ideas of what that race signifies.

For example, there are some people that believe West Indians are "exotic." Those same people tend to believe that, in the West Indies, we don't have cars, that we run around in grass skirts, and that we live in huts. Those people are more attracted to the idea of being "less civilized" than us as people. I may be assuming, but when I hear someone say that they're attracted to the Japanese race, I immediately imagine them being attracted to Japanese kimonos or the men and women in jrock bands with spiky hair. It's modern-day the idea of being attracted to "the orient." It's also stereotyping.

No I never said anything about stereotyping because of physical appearance. If you stereotype because of physical appearance than yes there is a problem with that. All I am talking about is physical attractiveness. You cant tell me there aren't things that you are attracted to. Physical attractiveness in my mind doesn't have anything to do with creating a stereotype of this person. Although for some people this is true but not for all.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by Barone1551

No I never said anything about stereotyping because of physical appearance. If you stereotype because of physical appearance than yes there is a problem with that. All I am talking about is physical attractiveness. You cant tell me there aren't things that you are attracted to. Physical attractiveness in my mind doesn't have anything to do with creating a stereotype of this person. Although for some people this is true but not for all.

I'm saying that it's stereotyping because of the process of physical attraction to one race.

First, someone is attracted to a man or woman's race. If that person were to think about why they're attracted to a man or woman's race, then they'd come to find that there's a reason. I personally don't think there's ever a "just because." Someone might like a man with bigger muscles because big muscles symbolize masculinity to them, and that person likes masculinity. Another might like a man with smaller muscles, because they feel like men with smaller muscles don't conform to society's expectations. There's always a reason.

I gave the example earlier of liking jrock. From there, if that person were to say, "I like the entire Japanese race because of jrock," then they would be stereotyping because it suggests that they're attaching one idea to an entire race of people. Not all Japanese people are in a jrock band.