in love with a taken japanese girl..

[SimpleasThyme]

Originally Posted by Keaton421

This isn't about relief though, it's about getting the girl Confessing to someone is almost selfish, like you only want to hear yourself talk. If he needs some relief, he'll get a massage.

There are two sides to everything though. You might be right and my way is just selfish, but maybe getting the girl isn't the issue.

Although we might all route for him, maybe it's better if her and her boyfriend patch things up? Isn't it more selfish to come between two people when an opportunity arises?

I hate to play the devil's advocate, but you have to look at things in more than one way. Perhaps he should try to be more friendly, but then if he becomes too close he might just end up ruining a friendship when he does confess.

There is a down-side to all of this too. Not trying to be mean. If her boyfriend really does suck I'd never stop him from trying to come between them, but it sounds like he doesn't really know either of them that well.

[Keaton421]

Originally Posted by SimpleasThyme

There are two sides to everything though. You might be right and my way is just selfish, but maybe getting the girl isn't the issue.

Although we might all route for him, maybe it's better if her and her boyfriend patch things up? Isn't it more selfish to come between two people when an opportunity arises?

I hate to play the devil's advocate, but you have to look at things in more than one way. Perhaps he should try to be more friendly, but then if he becomes too close he might just end up ruining a friendship when he does confess.

There is a down-side to all of this too. Not trying to be mean. If her boyfriend really does suck I'd never stop him from trying to come between them, but it sounds like he doesn't really know either of them that well.

Sure, it's selfish. Love is selfish. Is there any human action that isn't selfish to some degree? Let's see, let the woman you love patch things up with her boyfriend, or show her that you're the man she needs...

All I'm saying is, there are many pitfalls when dating a woman. Friendship is one of them. If done right though, friendship can be the basis for a strong relationship.

I'm not telling him to kidnap her in the night Just have a casual date, if she obliges, and do a little recon, find out her situation and if it's the kind of thing worth interfering in.

[Yuna7780]

Just forget about her and find somebody else. You're old enough to realise that.

[Aniki]

Originally Posted by MMM

If she is happy with her relationship and isn't interested in Zed, then she will decline his invitation. No harm, no foul.

This is how I see it right now. She has a relationship with another person and ZedKnightly is trying to steal her away from him. If she's in a serious relationship then no matter where or when he'll confess, she'll decline his emotions. You say no harm no foul, I say that's when all the problems will start. It won't be the same after that, because it's hard to pretend that nothing happened when that person turns you down. Obviously a tension will grow between those two, he might become cold to her, and she'll start feeling guilt because of that, and that's not good nor for her nor for him.
So like I said in my previous post, first he should find out more about her relationship, and if it's nothing serious, only then he should make his move.

Everybody here are just giving out advices on how he should make his move, but obviously nobody cares how it'll impact on the girl.

[Keaton421]

Guys, who said he's gonna get on his knees and confess everything? Adults generally don't do that before the first date.

If he's been in love with her for a year, then it's already having some impact on their work relationship. Better to find at least some kind of resolution, if you ask me.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Aniki

This is how I see it right now. She has a relationship with another person and ZedKnightly is trying to steal her away from him. If she's in a serious relationship then no matter where or when he'll confess, she'll decline his emotions. You say no harm no foul, I say that's when all the problems will start. It won't be the same after that, because it's hard to pretend that nothing happened when that person turns you down. Obviously a tension will grow between those two, he might become cold to her, and she'll start feeling guilt because of that, and that's not good nor for her nor for him.
So like I said in my previous post, first he should find out more about her relationship, and if it's nothing serious, only then he should make his move.

Everybody here are just giving out advices on how he should make his move, but obviously nobody cares how it'll impact on the girl.

I am not advising he give her a ring. I am saying ask her out for a meal. If she declines he knows where he stands and he hasn't embarrassed himself.

[Aniki]

Originally Posted by Keaton421

If he's been in love with her for a year, then it's already having some impact on their work relationship. Better to find at least some kind of resolution, if you ask me.

That's what I'm thinking.

Originally Posted by MMM

I am not advising he give her a ring.

And I'm not saying that you are.

Originally Posted by MMM

I am saying ask her out for a meal. If she declines he knows where he stands and he hasn't embarrassed himself.

A meal? Of course. I'm not saying he should start avoiding her, just because he's in love. I just don't won't him to do any "serious" decisions until he's sure that she's free or at least might be.


Nobody here wouldn't care much if their girlfriend is chatting, going out for lunch or shopping with her co-worker, but I think everyone would get concerned if they'll found out that her co-worker is giving sings to her which show that he's trying to steal her away.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Aniki

Nobody here wouldn't care much if their girlfriend is chatting, going out for lunch or shopping with her co-worker, but I think everyone would get concerned if they'll found out that her co-worker is giving sings to her which show that he's trying to steal her away.

You are saying it wouldn't be chivalrous to make a move on another guy's girl. Here is my take.

Dating is the process you go through in order to find yourself and then find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Once you find that person, you get married. Once the ring is on the finger, all other courters should back off.

But until then, all bets are off. If the man the woman is with now is the right man for her, then Zed is no threat to that. BUT, if the man the woman is with ISN'T right for her, but no other man approaches her because of chivalry, then she will be stuck with someone who isn't her true match.

What if Zed and she are perfect for each other, but he never finds out because he is too afraid of stepping on a stranger's toes? If she does agree to go out with him that means she questions the relationship she is in now, and doesn't SHE have the right to explore the possibilities available to her?

[Almazing1000]

Bro I think you're just over thinking everything which leads to procrastinating. I've been in this exact situation more than once, and each time I approached them head on, that's the best thing you can do. If you keep over thinking and worrying then you're going to miss the opportunity that you have now, and possible regret it. Go for it!!!! and let the story play out. Don't get stuck in the "friend zone" if that's not where you want to be. Summon all the courage you can ask her to dinner and just talk to her, odds are she'll understand one way or the other. Good Luck!

[Asakura]

I don't claim to be an expert on the subject of love, but I do know there is no right or wrong answer. We can spend 10 years hashing over what you could do or not do, but I doubt you'd have any more anwers then you already have. I know your in Japan and sublety is the name of the game, but sometimes you have to take the plunge or get off the diving board.

Honestly I hope this works out well for you, you sound like a smart, decent, hardworking guy.