Attitudes toward staying home.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

Also, to add another layer to this, how do you feel about single parents? It's hard work, there's no doubt about that, but they manage to fill both roles of "man" and "woman." Men leave work and take care of the house and his child. Women leave the house to make money. Somehow, they make it work. Because of that, I think that - especially when there are TWO people to take care of those many responsibilities - it's easy for men and women to switch off and help each other in everything. Both can go to work, both can take care of the house. Both can ensure their financial future.

A single parent will never completely fill in both roles as a mother and a father. A child needs both. Like it or not, fathers and mothers play different roles in children's lives.

You never answered my question: What successful business has everyone doing everything?

[bELyVIS]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

Not everyone gets child support and alimony. I may be wrong, but people need to go to court for that.

That's what lawyers are for.

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

I'm not sure where you're from, but where I'm from, society expects that - as a woman - I stay at home.

So then you've allowed society to place you in this role.

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

If I personally wanted a child, and was a CEO, and couldn't find a man that wanted to be in a fair partnership, then I would still have a child. Children are raised by single parents all of the time. I wouldn't let others' ignorance stop me from what I want.

Someone this selfish could never be a good parent. Don't blame anyone else when you have to go to prison to visit your child because you were too busy being CEO instead of taking care of your, yes your by your decision, child.

[bELyVIS]

Originally Posted by MMM

Where I live in the USA a lot of value is placed on stay-at-home mothers.

I suppose the hypothetical situation you present happens, and it is awful, and this is why there are courts and alimony. Just because a woman is a stay-at-home mom doesn't mean she doesn't have marketable skills.

This is why an education, college or technical school, should be done before a child is brought into the picture. Accidents don't happen either. You are right that many stay at home mothers have some sort of marketable skill, but most of them waited to have kids when they were really ready.

[Yuusuke]

Originally Posted by MMM

A single parent will never completely fill in both roles as a mother and a father. A child needs both. Like it or not, fathers and mothers play different roles in children's lives.

You never answered my question: What successful business has everyone doing everything?

MMM i've never had a father or a father figure In my life. Just my Mom, and as though she can only do so much.

I feel as though not having a father figure in a way has put a more positive effect on my life.

[mercedesjin]

MMM: I've said it again, and I'll continue to say it: CULTURAL value. Not financial value. Money is what makes the world go around these days and, unfortunately, for alimony a person needs to go to court. To win their case, a person needs a good lawyer. For a good lawyer, a person needs money. Painful catch 22, isn't it?

As for single parents, what are the roles that each father and mother must play in a child's life?

And your question... I'm sorry, I don't understand it, I guess because it's out of context. I can't find where it was originally asked either. Explain it for me please?

Nyororin: At this point, I kind of feel like we're going back and forth based on what we feel and what we know... I don't know about you, but I don't have any statistics handy to prove my points. So, I don't know, I almost feel like saying whatever it is I want to say is a little pointless. Saying, "yeah, well, I know a lot of women who've never had any jobs" is kind of pointless because that's just my experience. I don't know the numbers nationally for the USA or Japan.

It's kind of the same as the single parent situation. Neither of us know how many successful single parents they are. I know I personally feel that it's entirely possible. There are plenty of single successful mothers and fathers who are out there, making it work. They bring their child to work, they take their child to grandma's house, they take their work home... I've seen it. Not with a CEO, no, but with other pretty demanding jobs. Again, I don't have statistics, but I know it can work based on my experience.

bELyVIS: Yeah, and usually lawyers cost money. Lots and lots of money. Money that these jobless people most likely won't have.

I can define what I want to be in this society, but if society doesn't agree, then that's not what I am. I can start declaring, "I'M A STRAIGHT WHITE MAN!" By your theory, if I didn't allow society to place me into any role, then I really am a straight white man. People will look at me and see otherwise, however. For that reason, I can't say that I won't allow society to place me into any role.

Like I said to Nyororin, I think it's completely possible to have and take care of a child in a successful position.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Yuusuke

MMM i've never had a father or a father figure In my life. Just my Mom, and as though she can only do so much.

I feel as though not having a father figure in a way has put a more positive effect on my life.

I had and have both, and can't imagine being raised without both of them.

Statistically, children with two parents are more successful and get into less trouble than children with one. That doesn't mean there aren't success stories, and it sounds like you are one of them.

A father figure is not a negative thing.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by MMM

I had and have both, and can't imagine being raised without both of them.

Statistically, children with two parents are more successful and get into less trouble than children with one. That doesn't mean there aren't success stories, and it sounds like you are one of them.

A father figure is not a negative thing.

And what about abusive fathers? What about abusive mothers? Do you think it's better to have an abusive parent than to not have both?

[Yuusuke]

Originally Posted by MMM

I had and have both, and can't imagine being raised without both of them.

Statistically, children with two parents are more successful and get into less trouble than children with one. That doesn't mean there aren't success stories, and it sounds like you are one of them.

A father figure is not a negative thing.

Oh no i don't think of it as a negative thing at all.

And yes I do believe children with both have it better off.
I felt left out as a child not having a dad. (to sum it up)
But I'm doing just fine myself now.

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by mercedesjin

Nyororin: At this point, I kind of feel like we're going back and forth based on what we feel and what we know... I don't know about you, but I don't have any statistics handy to prove my points. So, I don't know, I almost feel like saying whatever it is I want to say is a little pointless. Saying, "yeah, well, I know a lot of women who've never had any jobs" is kind of pointless because that's just my experience. I don't know the numbers nationally for the USA or Japan.

No, I would believe you entirely. Japan and the US are different cultures, and value is placed in different locations. I can only tell you what I know from my experiences and my knowledge, just as you can only do the same from yours. I believe you may be entirely right about little value being placed upon those who stay-at-home, and that there are tons of women out there left with nothing because of it. I have absolutely no reason to doubt this is the case, as I was born in the US and spent the first chunk of my life there. (Raised by grandparents, by the way, after my mother divorced my father.)

The fact is, things are different in Japan. I am just offering the information of how things are here.

It's kind of the same as the single parent situation. Neither of us know how many successful single parents they are. I know I personally feel that it's entirely possible. There are plenty of single successful mothers and fathers who are out there, making it work. They bring their child to work, they take their child to grandma's house, they take their work home... I've seen it. Not with a CEO, no, but with other pretty demanding jobs. Again, I don't have statistics, but I know it can work based on my experience.

I totally believe it can work, and that there are wonderful successes. But I don`t believe it is in the best interest of the child. That is different from saying it is impossible. There are great success stories out there. The thing is, having actual background in studying childhood development, it`s NOT in the best interest of the child. Can some children adjust and thrive? Of course. But it`s not the best situation, and never will be. For those single parents who ended up that way, I am entirely supportive of. I can`t say I feel the same for a single parent who knew ahead of time but still decides to have a child and have someone else raise it for them. If you do not have the time or ability to dedicate yourself to being the best possible parent to that child, it is selfish to choose to have one. That is the huge difference in my eyes. I don`t even think people with demanding jobs should choose to have pets who they have little time for, let alone children. It`s nothing wrong with their job, it`s that they are making the choice to bring a child into a situation that will never be in the best interest of that child.

ETA;

And what about abusive fathers? What about abusive mothers? Do you think it's better to have an abusive parent than to not have both?

That means that it would be better to have a single parent, as it would not be in the best interest of the child to be in an abusive situation. But that doesn`t mean that a single parent would be the best path for any child.

[mercedesjin]

Originally Posted by Yuusuke

Oh no i don't think of it as a negative thing at all.

And yes I do believe children with both have it better off.
I felt left out as a child not having a dad. (to sum it up)
But I'm doing just fine myself now.

lol don't let him make you think that you're negative thing, or some kind of special case. There are single-parent families across the USA and across the world, a lot of which are doing just as well or even better than families with two parents. It's not traditional, but single parents are becoming the norm these days.

Families with two parents can be pretty screwed up too, you know?