Getting a japanese girlfriend

[alanX]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

I think what is trying to be said is that you shouldn`t expect a deep relationship when you are going out with someone just because of their race/nationality - and they are going out with you because of yours. Once the novelty wears off chances are there won`t be anything left to hold the relationship together.

If that's what is trying to be said, then I have misread and I apologize.
But it doesn't seem like that with comments like "Japanese often date for the sake of it" and the "it's not going to work out" vibe people are giving off.

I understand that there are people with "yellow fever." And I agree 100%. It will more than likely end in failure.

Nyororin, you are a perfect example. You were interested in Japan and her culture at a very early age, moved to Japan, and married your Japanese husband because it's what you wanted. (I'm assuming.)

And as far as I know (and hope), things are going very well, have a beautiful son if I'm not mistaken?

Which is my advise to the OP, this is the ideal course of action to take.
BUT if it's an impossibility (job-wise) then start with the internet. I've met dozens of extremely close friends in Japan through the internet, all of which I correspond with daily. Boys and girls. (Maybe they are my friends for the sake of have friends, though ) And a few of them, have met in person.

Please don't listen to people saying "you're an idiot for going for a girl based on race" and "it'll never work" ect... Let them realize how sad they are down the road.

As for the meantime, God bless you and best of luck.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

Your argument is so poor, I'd hardly call it a debate.

Okay, Rhianna is Barbadian, not black. Do us a favor and do a tiny bit of research before you butt into a discussion with off-topic flaming.
And I'm the one with the poor argument..hah

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by alanX

Nyororin, you are a perfect example. You were interested in Japan and her culture at a very early age, moved to Japan, and married your Japanese husband because it's what you wanted. (I'm assuming.)

And as far as I know (and hope), things are going very well, have a beautiful son if I'm not mistaken?

There is a bit of a difference though... I didn`t go looking for a Japanese man. I was in Japan, enjoying my time in Japan, and fell in love with someone I met. The fact that he is Japanese wasn`t a deciding factor... Or really that big of a factor at all. I was in Japan so obviously the chances of meeting someone Japanese and falling in love with them was a whole lot higher than meeting someone from elsewhere.

I don`t find Japanese men more attractive than (insert another nationality/race) men. I find my husband more attractive. What race and nationality he is doesn`t really matter. We met, became friends, and then ended up together because of who he is, not because he is Japanese.

[alanX]

That's essentialy what I am saying, I suppose.
It kind of backs up my previous point.
If someone is looking for a Japanese girl, then they have an extremely higher change of startign a relationship with a Japanese girl, than a black girl.
I understand you were't LOOKING for a man, but you had higher chances, just using that as an example.

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

I never knew there was a skin colour called Barbadian. She look's black to me, I must be Colour blind.. shit.. There goes my Career as a commercial pilot.

Way to avoid the point by the way, great success!!1 *Hai 5*

Someone from Barbados is "Barbadian."
You're color blindness doesn't end your career as a pilot, your immaturity does.

Also, the two pictures point you're trying to make, makes absolutely no sense. One is extremely attractive, and one not so much.
So you're saying people should talk to one or the other based on physical appearance?

Very un-thought out plan point, my friend.

[Ronin4hire]

Originally Posted by alanX

Why do you think so?

My Japanese fiance and I are madly in love.
But then again, maybe she's having an online/in person relationship with someone from another hemisphere for the past 4 years, spending thousands of dollars to visit me every year, maybe that's not deep? Maybe she's doing it for the sake of "being in a relationship?"

Maybe my Japanese fiancee's sister is married to an Australian man for the past 17 years "just to be in a relationship." And maybe her daughter is a product of "just being in a relationship."

And maybe my best friend's Japanese girlfriend is in a relationship just for the sake of it. And maybe bELyVIS's wife is in it for just for the sake of "being in a relationship." Maybe my Japanese lady friend Kumi is engaged to a man from France for "the sake of being in a relationship."

I'm not one to shut down another person's opinions, but frankly the opinions I've been reading in this thread are just ridiculously stupid and not to mention, very far from reality, down right absurd. Especially that of Ronin4hire and Sangetsu. If you asked me, they are the one's living in a fantasy world.

Seems to me like Ronin4hire and Sangetsu think Japan is a loveless nation.

Whoah... slow down tiger

I wish my comment was still up so that I could explain what I said because its obvious that you've missed the point of what I was saying and read too much into it. (I thought my sucker punch was clever too but I guess the mods saw through it )

Ill try to summarise it for you then.

All I was saying is that the OP is misguided if he thinks dating a Japanese woman will ultimately lead to a fulfilling relationship simply because he has an interest in Japan. Instead of looking for caricatures of an essentialised notion he has of Japan to date, he would probably fare better if he dated a woman that actually shared his interest rather than reflected it.

I wasnt trying to demean cross cultural relationships.

[clintjm]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

I think what is trying to be said is that you shouldn`t expect a deep relationship when you are going out with someone just because of their race/nationality - and they are going out with you because of yours. Once the novelty wears off chances are there won`t be anything left to hold the relationship together.

There are a LOT of guys in Japan dating Japanese girls because they have an Asian fetish. And the majority of girls who date them do so because they have a foreigner fetish. When that is all there is to the relationship, things usually don`t last all that long - and if one side really has fallen in love but the other hasn`t... Things end very badly.

Normal relationships exist, but the thing is... They tend to be the exception. And most of them are founded on friendship then love instead of a racial fetish.

My guess is there are a lot of guys in Japan dating Japanese women because a majority of the girls there are Japanese. Are you saying they are in Japan just to get down with a Japanese woman? The men you mentioned seemed to have been seeking a physical relationship OR had no idea about the culture and society aside from just being dumped into a job there and are there to play in the garden.

Liking the cultural and societal traits of Japanese Women should not discard the possibility that Japanese Women on a more personal level may be compatible.

Of course, more to your point, one will never know until it is tried. If one isn't willing to try, then they were never really dedicated to their "destiny". Oh destiny....

In reality most of the world searches their "destiny" based on race. White and white, black and black etc. This is why dating web sites give you the option of the race you are looking for. Mixed race marriages are the minority.

I think many things are in play. Race is one, culture and values are another. One could be physically attracted to said race but dislike or learn to dislike the culture or values. Said American raised x generation Japanese might be fine for Mr. Brass but Japanese raised woman may not.
Throw in language or religious differences it may be too much. But having said this Mr. Brass said he has studied these academically (excluding religion), so he has an idea what he may be getting into.

I mean when one is looking for a partical type of guy or gal either physically (not severlly overweight or underweight, how they take care of themselves), their immediate personality, etc etc.. and yes race,culture,values,religion is in there along they way. This person is making their race and apparently culture and values a higher priority.

I would say though that seeing that he has dated so many different races (if this is true) and none are compatible with what he is looking for, I wouldn't say race is really the problem, it may simple be the culture and values of the society they reside in or even more simply just in compatible mix with nothing to do with race.

In the end, if he is compatible with the culture and values that the person holds at the top of the list, race comes second. It just might be that the culture and values that this person seeks happens to fall within the Japanese race.

I agree to that race alone won't work to get into a deep relationship but it *may*, in this case, be a good search criteria in narrowing down that person.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by Ronin4hire

Whoah... slow down tiger

I wish my comment was still up so that I could explain what I said because its obvious that you've missed the point of what I was saying and read too much into it. (I thought my sucker punch was clever too but I guess the mods saw through it )

Ill try to summarise it for you then.

All I was saying is that the OP is misguided if he thinks dating a Japanese woman will ultimately lead to a fulfilling relationship simply because he has an interest in Japan. Instead of looking for caricatures of an essentialised notion he has of Japan to date, he would probably fare better if he dated a woman that actually shared his interest rather than reflected it.

I wasnt trying to demean cross cultural relationships.

Sorry for jumping the gun. As I said before, this is one of my favorite subjects to discuss, and it triggers my *debate instinct.* Get's me a little jumpy..

In continuation, I'd agree with you here. However, I don't recall the OP saying "I want a Japanese girlfriend because I'm interested in Japan."

If he, or anyone else did, then they are going about relationships completely the wrong way.

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by clintjm

My guess is there are a lot of guys in Japan dating Japanese women because a majority of the girls there are Japanese. Are you saying they are in Japan just to get down with a Japanese woman? The men you mentioned seemed to have been seeking a physical relationship OR had no idea about the culture and society aside from just being dumped into a job there and are there to play in the garden.

I should have clarified, I suppose. That is what I meant - a lot of guys coming to Japan specifically because they thought they could get a hot Japanese girl to hop into bed with (and maybe find one to marry who`d walk behind him and treat him like a king). We know that isn`t reality, but it seems there are a lot of misconceptions about Japan and Japanese culture.

In all the time I have been here, I have only met a handful of guys who didn`t give "want to get with a hot Japanese girl" as reason number one for coming to Japan... Even if their only prior experience with Japanese girls were internet porn sites.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

LOL, thanks for pointing out her ethnicity Sherlock.. pretty sure she's still black tho.. guess I better check *Checks* Yeah.. she's still black, and still a babe.

My point makes perfect sense, you stated that you would talk to the "Japanese" because of race since "you're not attracted to blacks" (Maybe not you, but your hypothetical, you obviously have "yellow fever" tho)

You didn't even take general look's into account, feel free to go back and check your own post. Look's like you're going to end up with metal monster face, while Rihanna sits at the bar ready for sex and lonely.

And yes people should talk to each other based on physical appearance, which is proper human behavior, unless you're blind physical appearance will be the deciding factor when you choose who to talk to (In a bar scenario).

Since there are attractive and unattractive humans in every ethnicity group your theory is obviously flawed.

Actually, my friend, the world "black" is a synonym for "African-American"
African-American, as defined by Princeton University means "pertaining to or characteristic of Americans of African ancestry;"

Rihanna, has neither ancestries, therefore Rihanna isn't black.

Secondly, I understand your point, and I agree with it to an extent.
However, If I see two girls, one being black, and one being a Japanese that isn't the type of Japanese girl I would want to start a relationship with, does that mean I'm going to go straight for the black woman? No. It probably means that I'm going to skip them both. Since I'm not interested in starting a relationship with either, right?
But you don't side with my opinion so therefore you can't really understand where I (or anyone else who shares my opinion) is trying to convey.

You're case is dismissed.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

That is what I meant - a lot of guys coming to Japan specifically because they thought they could get a hot Japanese girl to hop into bed with (and maybe find one to marry who`d walk behind him and treat him like a king).

You would know better than I, but do you really think there are "a lot" of guys who come to Japan specifically to find hot Japanese girls? I think it is a fantasy that lots of guys have, but the number that actually follow through is probably pretty low.

It depends on how you define "a lot". I have met lots of foreigners in Japan for school/work/whatever, but finding a mate/GF has not been the major reason for their visit/stay.