Getting a japanese girlfriend

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by MMM

You would know better than I, but do you really think there are "a lot" of guys who come to Japan specifically to find hot Japanese girls? I think it is a fantasy that lots of guys have, but the number that actually follow through is probably pretty low.

It depends on how you define "a lot". I have met lots of foreigners in Japan for school/work/whatever, but finding a mate/GF has not been the major reason for their visit/stay.

Maybe I`m just unlucky, but it seems that guys LOVE to brag that if there is a non-Japanese female (me) in the vicinity.

They are generally not in Japan expressly for that purpose... But generally it is along the lines of;
"What brought you to Japan?"
"I`m going to school/got a job teaching English/took a work transfer."
"Why Japan specifically?"
"Definitely the women. The culture is cool and all, but I started looking into if after *insert "developed attraction to porn star" / "saw some hot idol" / "heard about how they treat their husbands"* ..." etc with wink and nudge to the other men. Depending on how obnoxious the guy is, it`s pretty common to go on to talk about how the women just jump into bed with him, etc etc.

Obviously not EVERYONE is like that. As I said, I know a handful of guys who aren`t... But it seems like wanting a Japanese woman is a driving force behind a lot of choices to head to Japan. Particularly in shorter term stays, and in the eikaiwa route. I imagine it is different in full blown university (either as a student or working, as JET seems to be a lot different in terms of who they accept.)
During my stint as a part time English teacher, all but one of the guys working there did nothing but flirt with female students - and a few of them even kept very public tallies of how many they`d been able to take home after just a few classes.

[Trinket]

I can understand wanting to date a specific race. I happen to be really attracted too middle easterns and even if I do get in a scenario where the middle eastern is less attractive then the other race, I'll go for them anyway. It's something about the exoticism. I guess this is the same feeling some guys get about Japanese women...Just something about them. It's really all psychological and it can't exactly be helped, you build up an idea of what you want them to be and just go towards it no matter the circumstances.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

Lets analyze the statement.

Take the following scenario:
You're attracted to Japanese females.

Straight away there's an indication of race over the actual appearance of a person. A clear sign of yellow fever.

You're at a bar. You see two females, both alone. One is Japanese, and one is Black.

Which one are you going to start a conversation with? Easy, the Japanese.

Based on what deciding factors? Oh yeah, because she's Japanese 0 You already stated that above, how did I forget already.

Then, you start a relationship with the Japanese female.

You won't start a relationship with the black female because you are not attracted to black women.

Oh.. even if she look's Like Rihanna? that seems silly.. what am I missing? Brain Damage? Obviously, by you're logic the black woman is unfit fora relationship with you because of her skin color. I mean you've clearly stated that above "Because you're not attracted to black women"

I guess for the sake of you're intelligence, or "lack of" we can change "Rihanna" to.. whoever this is, apparently she's "black" I personally don't even see a difference.. they're both babes.

You're simply restating your same points over and over.

One is an ugly Japanese, and one is an attractive black.

You asked me why don't I start a relationship with the black woman. My answer is because I'm not interested in black women, I'm interested in Japanese women. And I'm not interested in attractive black women or the lifestyle of being in a relationship with one, therefore I either chose the Japanese, or skip them both.

I could ask you, what if you see an ugly woman, and an attractive man. Even though you like women, do you start a relationship with the man just because he's attractive? No, you don't. Not because you don't care about physical beauty, but because you're not gay.
I wouldn't start a relationship with a hot black woman. Not because I care about physical beauty, but because I'm not interested in them.

Do you understand? I think there's a line we have to draw between our opinions, and I think we should agree to disagree. Because you and I going back and forth is accomplishing nothing. Let's agree to disagree.

Originally Posted by Trinket

I can understand wanting to date a specific race. I happen to be really attracted too middle easterns and even if I do get in a scenario where the middle eastern is less attractive then the other race, I'll go for them anyway. It's something about the exoticism. I guess this is the same feeling some guys get about Japanese women...Just something about them. It's really all psychological and it can't exactly be helped, you build up an idea of what you want them to be and just go towards it no matter the circumstances.

Wow, amazing post, man.
If only I had the vocab to say it like this, and I do know exactly what you mean.
It is more of a psychological thing.
Honestly, it can't be described perfectly in words, but I'm very glad to know someone else shares similar feelings.

[MMM]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

Maybe I`m just unlucky, but it seems that guys LOVE to brag that if there is a non-Japanese female (me) in the vicinity.

They are generally not in Japan expressly for that purpose... But generally it is along the lines of;
"What brought you to Japan?"
"I`m going to school/got a job teaching English/took a work transfer."
"Why Japan specifically?"
"Definitely the women. The culture is cool and all, but I started looking into if after *insert "developed attraction to porn star" / "saw some hot idol" / "heard about how they treat their husbands"* ..." etc with wink and nudge to the other men. Depending on how obnoxious the guy is, it`s pretty common to go on to talk about how the women just jump into bed with him, etc etc.

Obviously not EVERYONE is like that. As I said, I know a handful of guys who aren`t... But it seems like wanting a Japanese woman is a driving force behind a lot of choices to head to Japan. Particularly in shorter term stays, and in the eikaiwa route. I imagine it is different in full blown university (either as a student or working, as JET seems to be a lot different in terms of who they accept.)
During my stint as a part time English teacher, all but one of the guys working there did nothing but flirt with female students - and a few of them even kept very public tallies of how many they`d been able to take home after just a few classes.

That's really interesting. It is interesting it is the non-Japanese women they "confess" to. Maybe as an American guy I don't get the real story from the foreigners I meet in Japan. Certainly very plausible...

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by MMM

That's really interesting. It is interesting it is the non-Japanese women they "confess" to. Maybe as an American guy I don't get the real story from the foreigners I meet in Japan. Certainly very plausible...

I was thinking and it may be a difference in area too.
There isn`t really a whole lot of popular-with-foreign-tourists stuff around here or many international universities / corporations, so it seems like the majority of foreigners in the area are those who were sent here... Often through Eikaiwa.

Usually it`s when there is more than one non-Japanese guy, and me. The same seems to be pretty much true for the other non-Japanese women I have talked to about it... So maybe it isn`t area.

Or I could just be really unlucky to have met an abnormally large number of obnoxious guys. If the guy is really obnoxious, they`ll go one to talk about the "size" of Japanese guys, etc... Until I say my husband is Japanese. And seriously, 9 times out of 10, they end with the exact line "Well, that must be a lot of fun in bed!" and laugh with a look of pity in my direction. Seriously. I am almost tempted to think there must be some sort of shared mentality with them.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

You're again not giving a valid reason to not date a black woman. According to you, there not worth the effort because they are black, how do you know she wasn't born and raised in Japan?

EDIT: We know you're not going to talk to her.. because she's black, since she's black and you seem to already know she's not worth the time (Based on the fact that she's black, since you're not going talk to her because she's black.. you will not know anything about her, whether she was born and raised in Japan or not, is apparently irrelevant, she will never get the chance to tell you because you're clearly a racist.)

"It's clear racism, not interested because she's black and not given the chance to tell you anything about her because she's black. Racist."

You're argument of "culture" and "lifestyle" is pathetic A black woman can have the exact same upbringing in the same country as an Asian.

God, same exact point, again. You're debating skills are truly lacking.

Okay, same question for you.

"We know you're not going to talk to him.. because he's a man, since he's a man and you seem to already know he's not worth the time (Based on the fact that he's a man, since you're not going talk to her because he's a man.. you will not know anything about him, whether he was born and raised in Japan or not, is apparently irrelevant, he will never get the chance to tell you because you're clearly a racist."

"It's clear homophobia, not interested because he's a man and not given the chance to tell you anything about him because he's a man. Homophobia."

I'll give you a tiny bit of respect and assume that you know where I'm going with this.

It's not that you're a homophobic, it's that you don't want to date men. Because you're not gay. No matter how interesting this man is.

It's not that I'm racist, it's that I don't want to date black women.
Because I'm not interested. No matter how interesting this black woman is.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

I don't have to take note of anything else you have said, that statement alone proves you're a racist. The fact that she can be born and raised in Japan and have all the same interests as you or 100% compatible personalities mean's nothing to you because of her skin color.

You are clearly racist.

"It's not that you're a homophobic, it's that you don't want to date men. Because you're not gay. No matter how interesting this man is.

It's not that I'm racist, it's that I don't want to date black women.
Because I'm not interested. No matter how interesting this black woman is."

was the actual paragraph. Nice job on misquoting me, man! Congrats!

"I don't have to take note of anything else you have said, that statement alone proves you're a homophobic. The fact that he can be born and raised in (insert your favorite country) and have all the same interests as you or 100% compatible personalities mean's nothing to you because of his gender.

You are clearly homophobic."

You can't answer this, can you?

All you did was take part of my post and make my point unclear. Nice job, bro.
You're just doing the same thing, trying to use name-calling tactics to win a debate is low and will not work on me.



If having many black friends, and one in my family, actually, yet, still not wanting to actually date one (Just like you wouldn't want to date a man because you're not interested in men. Not because you're a homophobic.) because you're interested in another race more than blacks, means you're a racist, then yes, my friend, I'm a racist!

Princeton University says racism means:

"The prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races.
Discriminatory or abusive behavior towards members of another race"

Did I say that my race is superior to blacks; did I degrade blacks in any way? If I did, please tell me.


You're argument is still invalid, as you have failed multiple times to reply to the question I asked you.

You don't want to date a man, because he is a man, not caring about ANY of his hobbies, background, ethnicity, ect, you still don't want to date him, that means you're a homophobic.

The tables have turned, and you run away from answering.

Hmm....

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

lol you're a retard. This homophobe thing isn't even on topic. You're trying to twist word's but it's not working and I'll explain why.

You're basically trying to deny racism with homophobia, which for a start is stupid, they are not the same topic.

You're straight apparently, so your argument not only applies to me and every other straight man on the planet but also yourself. That however doesn't change the fact that your remarks are racist. All you're proving is that we're both homophobes (By your logic) with the bonus of you also being racist, so I'm a homophobe (along with every other straight man not willing to engage in homosexual acts) and you're both a racist and homophobe.

These two different topics have no way of canceling each other out. Trying to turn a discussion of racism into homophobia has done nothing to prove your point whatsoever which is why thus far I have ignored it, there is no way you can cancel out my point by bringing up homophobia, all you're doing is changing the scenario.

If you have any intelligence whatsoever you will realize that you're way off the mark, and try and post something relevant to the discussion to help your case.

I edited my post, please refer to it.

Just admit you do not have the ability to answer the question instead of calling me "retarded." You're just making yourself look like an idiot.

Princeton University says racism means:

"The prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races.
Discriminatory or abusive behavior towards members of another race"

Please tell me where I degraded blacks or said my race is superior to blacks. Thanks.

[Sangetsu]

Originally Posted by alanX

You're right, that happens. Sometimes.
You're leaving out half of the story, which I don't think is very fair.

Saying: "Japanese women often marry for the sake of being married, and have less of an emotional attachment."

Is an extremely blind assumption in my opinion.
Japanese or not, women don't just go around marrying for no reason.

You're making it seem like Japanese woman are a loveless people that go out and marry people they met ten minutes ago.

I'd say, quite the contrary.

I'd strongly disagree with this.
Finding a Japanese woman that loves you is just as hard as finding a woman of ANY race that loves you.

It's not a blind assumption, it's a fact. Unfortunately, I would say that most Japanese relationships are in fact loveless. Last year there was a study published showing Japanese couple have less sex than any other nationality, which pretty much confirms my opinion.

A Japanese woman (or man) will not marry someone they met 10 minutes ago, but they are quite capable of marrying someone they don't love, as love isn't necessarily thought to be the most important part of a marriage.

I've been around quite a bit longer than you have, and I have any number of Japanese friends and acquaintances (actually, everyone I know now is Japanese), both single and married. I don't have the time to describe the stories, but I say what I know from experience to be true.

.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by Sangetsu

It's not a blind assumption, it's a fact. Unfortunately, I would say that most Japanese relationships are in fact loveless. Last year there was a study published showing Japanese couple have less sex than any other nationality, which pretty much confirms my opinion.

A Japanese woman (or man) will not marry someone they met 10 minutes ago, but they are quite capable of marrying someone they don't love, as love isn't necessarily thought to be the most important part of a marriage.

I've been around quite a bit longer than you have, and I have any number of Japanese friends and acquaintances (actually, everyone I know now is Japanese), both single and married. I don't have the time to describe the stories, but I say what I know from experience to be true.

.

I understand what you are saying.
Yet, I get the vibe that you want to say "If you are white, and your girlfriend is Japanese, then she doesn't really love you."
Also, when you say "MOST" Japanese relationships are loveless. These are the things which I strongly disagree with.

You may "have been around longer," but I don't know how many Japanese girlfriends you have had, but my entire life and lives of my friends and acquaintances is mainly that of the lifestyle of dating Japanese women, and it is surrounded by love. And that's coming from numerous Japanese women, as well.