Getting a japanese girlfriend

[Columbine]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

Usually it`s when there is more than one non-Japanese guy, and me. The same seems to be pretty much true for the other non-Japanese women I have talked to about it... So maybe it isn`t area.

Or I could just be really unlucky to have met an abnormally large number of obnoxious guys. If the guy is really obnoxious, they`ll go one to talk about the "size" of Japanese guys, etc... Until I say my husband is Japanese. And seriously, 9 times out of 10, they end with the exact line "Well, that must be a lot of fun in bed!" and laugh with a look of pity in my direction. Seriously. I am almost tempted to think there must be some sort of shared mentality with them.

Nope, I second this. I have totally been in a bar with a bunch of non-japanese men and once the booze starts flowing the talk always seems to turn right around to this.

It's incredibly weird that they think that because I'm not japanese, or the people around them aren't japanese, it's a free passport to tell all about how awesome japanese girls are and how many they've had (albeit, normally via conversation with other guys). Sometimes it's almost like a vitriolic issue of "hey, let's make a point about how much western girls suck". Although, i'll add, there has always been one or two poor guys (I'm sorry to say, also often the only non-americans present) sat back looking awkward about the tone of conversation and in general rather apologetic about it. And honestly, some of the non-japanese girls could be just as bad.

And I've definitely heard the slagging off of asian men and then rather pointed pity looks aimed at the girls. Or brags of "Yeah, well, I gotta sleep with as many as I can, give the poor girls something to remember!"

I never minded when the japanese people asked me what I thought of Japanese guys, because the girls just wanted an honest opinion, and with the guys it was always in a shy, flirty sort of way or simply curious. When the other guys asked it, it was always like they wanted me to immediately say how awful they were (and by default, how much better western guys are, and how sorry I am to have strayed from the path of giant...ego...).

I think you might be onto something with area though. Avoiding the gaijin hot-spots meant I ran into a lot less of this kind of thing, and you did meet more non-japanese guys who weren't there just for the girls so much.

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by Columbine

Nope, I second this. I have totally been in a bar with a bunch of non-japanese men and once the booze starts flowing the talk always seems to turn right around to this.

I feel a lot better knowing this isn`t just me. I was having doubts for a minute there... Or wondering if I was just incredibly unlucky in that area.

Sometimes it's almost like a vitriolic issue of "hey, let's make a point about how much western girls suck".

This is definitely true.

And honestly, some of the non-japanese girls could be just as bad.

I have found that when it`s a non-Japanese woman going on about Japanese men, she usually has never dated one... And would never consider it thanks to the stereotypes that are floating around. I have had some pretty directly nasty things said to me by non-Japanese women (specifically military base wives...) My son has some serious medical issues, and I was told it was god`s way of telling me I shouldn`t have mated with a monkey.

And I've definitely heard the slagging off of asian men and then rather pointed pity looks aimed at the girls. Or brags of "Yeah, well, I gotta sleep with as many as I can, give the poor girls something to remember!"

Yep, this too.

When the other guys asked it, it was always like they wanted me to immediately say how awful they were (and by default, how much better western guys are, and how sorry I am to have strayed from the path of giant...ego...).

Yep. I have been asked if I missed giant...egos. :P But in the same breath also told I would just have to settle for a Japanese guy anyway, as no guy who`d been with a Japanese girl would ever settle for "less".

I think you might be onto something with area though. Avoiding the gaijin hot-spots meant I ran into a lot less of this kind of thing, and you did meet more non-japanese guys who weren't there just for the girls so much.

I was thinking it was the other way around. I have never even been to a "gaijin hot-spot". I usually end up being introduced via some weird connection. I am registered with my town hall as a translator, so will be called time to time when there is someone who needs help figuring out the trash schedule or something like that. Mainly it`s that or introduced by someone just having met someone else foreign and thinking I might be interested in being friends. (Usually I`m not.)

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

----------------------------------------------------






So.. How, without talking to a black woman do you know what there lifestyle is like? You're classing them into a group due to your own pre-conceived notions. You're clearly racist and your attempt to state otherwise has been a complete failure, only clarifying my accusations.

dis⋅crim⋅i⋅na⋅tion
2. treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit: racial and religious intolerance and discrimination.

EDIT: I'm happy to end this discussion here, you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.

Okay, so what did I miss...?

I'm classifying them into a group? Okay, what group?
The group that I don't want to date? Sure.

I'll also second ending the discussion between you and me here. If you think someone who says "I have many black friends, and even one in my family, yet, I still don't think I could see myself in a relationship with one." is a racist, then by all means that is your opinion and you're entitled to it. Kudos to you for sticking with it.

Great debate. God bless

[Columbine]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

I feel a lot better knowing this isn`t just me. I was having doubts for a minute there... Or wondering if I was just incredibly unlucky in that area.

Maybe it's a bit of both. I don't think my experience of Japan was especially typical.

Originally Posted by Nyororin

This is definitely true.

And often enough to be noticeable, it's always the guys who you can SEE why they have had bad dating experiences back home. Not always, but about half of all the ones who do this maybe.

Originally Posted by Nyororin

I have found that when it`s a non-Japanese woman going on about Japanese men, she usually has never dated one... And would never consider it thanks to the stereotypes that are floating around. I have had some pretty directly nasty things said to me by non-Japanese women (specifically military base wives...) My son has some serious medical issues, and I was told it was god`s way of telling me I shouldn`t have mated with a monkey.

What a horrible thing to be told. Do you think that's god's way of telling you to shun ignorant supremacists?

I've also come across girls who completely wax lyrical about how great Japanese guys are and how much western guys suck. Or ones who like to brag about how many japanese guys they've hooked and how they're some sort of blonde goddess to them. I always sit there thinking "No love, you're just picking up the ones who follow you around like dogs because they know you're easy and you can't talk much japanese." There was one girl in my area who was exactly that and the sad thing was the Jguys would slag her off when she wasn't around. Just, bad reputation all round really, and the one guy who didn't was just heartily embarrassed to be seen with her.

Originally Posted by Nyororin

Yep. I have been asked if I missed giant...egos. :P But in the same breath also told I would just have to settle for a Japanese guy anyway, as no guy who`d been with a Japanese girl would ever settle for "less".

Oh god. THIS. and then if they're really offensive they break out the "How Japanese Men are Terrible at Sex" horror stories. 9__9; We had one guy who was so adamant on telling me and a friend all the ways japanese men are failures in the sack a complete stranger actually turned around and said something like "Well Jesus, if they're sleeping with you, no wonder!"

Originally Posted by Nyororin

I was thinking it was the other way around. I have never even been to a "gaijin hot-spot". I usually end up being introduced via some weird connection. I am registered with my town hall as a translator, so will be called time to time when there is someone who needs help figuring out the trash schedule or something like that. Mainly it`s that or introduced by someone just having met someone else foreign and thinking I might be interested in being friends. (Usually I`m not.)

I was more in an area where there were a lot of westerners, so there were definitely places they would congregate (mostly because of ease; a lot didn't speak japanese proficiently) and places they didn't go. The ones who stayed outside of the hot spots tended to have been there longer and/or spoke better japanese and weren't so into the novelty of it all. But I see your point.

The people who went as groups outside of the hot-spots tended to be there because they were tired of "ameri-nihon" and other westerners. Some guys went there with their Japanese girlfriends, and they could be a mixed bunch. Some genuine, other's from the jerk-squad but mellowing, and others who were still class A acts and clearly taking advantage. The guys who went there by themselves tended to be scouting, especially if they got the "urgh, gross" face on sighting a non-japanese person. Even the ones who were approachable tended to put on the hurt "yeah, the other guys are yellow-fever monsters, I'd never do what they do; I don't pick up girls just because they're japanese, although I do prefer them" facade and pretty much BSing even to themselves. It'd eventually come out in the wash though and they'd still be pretty harshly critical of Japanese guys. Or else they try and hide it, but do it so poorly that it's clear that they're really actually embarrassed by their own motivations. That kind of "Look, you know it, I know it, but I really wish i wasn't like this so do you mind if we pretend I'm here for the art?" kind of thing.

[bELyVIS]

The reason I wanted to marry a Japanese lady goes back to when I was young. My uncle married a lady from Okinawa because he was stationed there. I found her to be very kind and ladylike (she wasn't so "hot" so this has nothing to do with it, but average looking) and I liked that. He never treated her as anything but as an equal, not as a slave, so I didn't have this misconception. So my wanting to marry (not just bed down) a Japanese lady has nothing to do with looks or myths about being easy. In my experience Japanese ladies aren't as easy to sleep with, as some other nationalities I've known, because they take more work to get interested and keep interested in you before they would sleep with you.
When I was in Japan, my first girlfriend was Chinese so I was willing to keep my options open and judge the person not the nationality. But this didn't work out and eventually met my wife.
My wife has lived and traveled all around the World so she has met many people and dated men from other countries. She felt that Japanese men didn't treat her as well as other men so she wanted to marry a foreigner.
My wife is the most understanding and kind person I've ever met. She is ladylike and very loving, so this shows the myth about them being unloving to be false, and shows it.
All I can say is that some people always want to others to feel that their ideas and feelings are wrong because they have an internal conflict of their own. Me, I do as I want and am truly happy with my wife.
To those of you who want to meet a Japanese lady and treat her respectfully, you will not be sorry. Don't let anyone tell you what you should do or how you should act.

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by alanX

Actually, my friend, the world "black" is a synonym for "African-American"
African-American, as defined by Princeton University means "pertaining to or characteristic of Americans of African ancestry;"

Rihanna, has neither ancestries, therefore Rihanna isn't black.

At the risk of getting slightly off-topic with semantics. . . I believe the other poster was actually right by defining Rihanna as 'black'. The term isn't synonymous with 'African-American' at all, or at least not in all cultures/countries. I can understand how to an American it might equate with 'African-American', but to many people it doesn't. I had a friend in school who was black, but he was born and raised in England, so even though he probably had African ancestry at some point, he was by no means 'African-American'. It'd be foolish to call him 'African-English', and he's certainly not white, asian etc. so he's 'black'. Therefore despite being neither African, nor American, Rihanna could still be classed as 'black'.

[alanX]

Originally Posted by JoshAussie

Lets get baked now.

God, I'm down with that. How did you know I smoked??? lol

[alanX]

Originally Posted by bELyVIS

The reason I wanted to marry a Japanese lady goes back to when I was young. My uncle married a lady from Okinawa because he was stationed there. I found her to be very kind and ladylike (she wasn't so "hot" so this has nothing to do with it, but average looking) and I liked that. He never treated her as anything but as an equal, not as a slave, so I didn't have this misconception. So my wanting to marry (not just bed down) a Japanese lady has nothing to do with looks or myths about being easy. In my experience Japanese ladies aren't as easy to sleep with, as some other nationalities I've known, because they take more work to get interested and keep interested in you before they would sleep with you.
When I was in Japan, my first girlfriend was Chinese so I was willing to keep my options open and judge the person not the nationality. But this didn't work out and eventually met my wife.
My wife has lived and traveled all around the World so she has met many people and dated men from other countries. She felt that Japanese men didn't treat her as well as other men so she wanted to marry a foreigner.
My wife is the most understanding and kind person I've ever met. She is ladylike and very loving, so this shows the myth about them being unloving to be false, and shows it.
All I can say is that some people always want to others to feel that their ideas and feelings are wrong because they have an internal conflict of their own. Me, I do as I want and am truly happy with my wife.
To those of you who want to meet a Japanese lady and treat her respectfully, you will not be sorry. Don't let anyone tell you what you should do or how you should act.

Great post, bELyVIS.
I've yet to find a girl from another ethnicity that has the same ladylikeness (creating words FTW) about her, and there's something more "natural" and feminine and elegant about Japanese women, that I can't find anywhere else.

Also, I know exactly what you mean, not only my girlfriend, but also my normal Japanese friends have said that they don't like dating Japanese men, because there is no "Ladies first rule" with Japanese, and Japanese women definitely deserve a man who will treat them like a queen.

[Columbine]

Originally Posted by alanX

Great post, bELyVIS.
I've yet to find a girl from another ethnicity that has the same ladylikeness (creating words FTW)

Off-topic but Nope, that's already a real word!

[alanX]

Originally Posted by Columbine

Off-topic but Nope, that's already a real word!

Really? Awesome. Firefox told me I misspelled, so I assumed it wasn't a real word.