Japanese views on dating

[steven]

I'd like to give my 2 cents here.

In my experience, I've found certain areas of Japanese culture to affect dating. For example, the oldest son gets to keep the house (in the traditional situation, which may occur more often in rural areas). For instance, if there is a house with only girls, and the oldest son of another house meets the oldest girl of another house sure they might date. However, there will be pressure from both families in regards their kid staying at their house (as in keeping the house after the parents die). If, for instance, the younger sister of the oldest daughter of the one house is already married and moved out (which implies her name is changed) then there will be a lot of pressure from that side of the family to A. find a partner who is a younger brother or B. find a partner who isn't obligated to keep their house's name. So if the older brother of the other house's younger brother has married and moved out, then there is a good chance the relationship won't last simply because of logistical reasons.

In regards to sex, dating usually means sex in Japan in my experience. Some people don't have to date to do it either. In Japan the main contraseptive seems to be the condom. Pills seem to have a bad wrap and I've heard doctors in Japan don't give them out as readily in Japan as in America. If people in Japan take the pill, most of the time it is to help their period rather than for birth control (again, in my experience). And as far as sex before marriage goes, of course that's how it goes here. Lately that seems to be the way to get married... any time someone gets married that I know it's either a 出来ちゃった or a suspected 出来ちゃった. I may not have an eloquent way of putting things, but not having sex with someone before you marry them is like not test driving a car or testing out an instrument before you buy it. I feel the same way about living situations... if you don't live with someone for a period of time before you're married you might be in for a terrible surprise (or a wonderful one, depending on the person of course). Marriage should be a commitment for life, especially when you get kids in the picture...

So from my perspective, I think that it is hard for Japanese people to live together before they marry... this is either because living situations are limited (size or law wise) or there is some kind of pressure from the parents (it would be hard for a daughter who lives at home to move out with someone who they aren't married with). On the other hand, these very circumstances make things like love hotels a good idea in Japan (business wise especially). They provide a safe place outside of a limited living area with protection, TV, karaoke, baths, etc.

I'm sure I glossed over a lot, but that's the extremely short version on what I've picked up on.

[ModusOperandi]

Originally Posted by GoNative

I think there's a bit more to it than just poverty but poverty and education are definitely huge issues. There are also many cultural and traditional practices which have assisted the spread of the disease as well.

A couple of links to some of the factors that have made the spread of AIDS in Africa so much more than in other regions of the world. The 1st one is a bit dated but from the 2nd article almost 20 years later it appears the same issues are persisting.

Cultural practices contributing to the transmission of HIV in Africa

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/21/wo...1cameroon.html

Go Native, most of those are definitely plausible ways that the virus can spread. I was just focusing my argument towards the guy who seems so adamant to correlate HIV with Christianity. However, most of those reasons brought up in the articles aren’t exclusive to Africa. Tribal rituals (primarily scarring) are seen globally (tattoos, markings etc), homosexuality is global, promiscuity is global, so is zoophilia. It doesn’t take more than one infected individual to spread AIDS. So ask yourself what the ultimate difference between Africa and these countries are.

The all-encompassing reason is poverty.

Your NY Times article states there’s only 1 doctor for around 40,000 people. Now couple that with the typical native’s inability to pay for medical attention. The probability of ever knowing you’re infected until it’s too late to suppress the virus is next to zero. And even if you know, how will you afford to pay for consistent medical attention? Unfortunately, Africa isn’t full of Magic Johnsons. Poverty in Africa isn’t poverty in America, Australia, Europe or most of Asia….it is extreme. I was born there, I went to school there and I consider it my home. I’ve seen a lot. We weren’t rich, but we lived comfortably in a highly industrial setting, yet we couldn’t even afford routine check-ups. That’s the state of the continent.

People can’t afford medical attention, thus they don’t know until it’s too late and continue to live life like anyone else around them. By the time they’re done, they’ve probably infected others through one means or another. It’s a never-ending cycle.

[dogsbody70]

My japanese friend did not have a choice when she married.

As the eldest sister she was expected to marry first. It was definitely Arranged by her very strict father. I am uncertain of the year that she married, possibly early 1960's.

from what she has told me her marriage was unhappy-- although her husband died ten years after they were married

[evanny]

Originally Posted by ModusOperandi

The all-encompassing reason is poverty.

exactly. and here is my beef with Christianity. even thou these people in Africa can't generally access these things Christianity takes extra steps to ensure even when they do they don't use them by preaching that it is bad. at that's just one big load that irritates me. they go there and help these people - food, medicine, education and etc. good people helping other people in need. but asking this little thing is a "no no" for them. a simple thing which is so cheap considering other expenses and yet it would be so effective.
not saying condoms would save everyone. but lets say a million - sounds to me important enough.

[protheus]

Just as an offtopic question, what christians are preaching that kind of believe? I've never heard of that, I've heard about not doing something before getting married, or not to get involved with more people, but never heard that being safe is "christian banned".

[dogsbody70]

I believe. the Catholic religion bans contraception-- which in this day and age is more than ridiculous/ They are still in the dark ages

When POPE JOHN PAUL was incharge he was very anti Birth control.

so the catholic church had definitely not acted inthe sensible way.


BBC - Religions - Christianity: Contraception

[MissMisa]

Woah guys, on topic please. No religious disccusion here. Thanks.

2.4 Topics of religion and sexual orientation are not permitted.

[dogsbody70]

maybe but the point is that because of certain religions banning contraception-- spread of AIDS. So it is relevant.

Sleeping around means no respect but merely LUST.

Making love to a partner that you LOVE-- is spiritually superior.

How many children are born because of indiscriminate sex?

A WIFE is supposed to be pure------- and surely that was meant for the male.

But in this day and age-- anything seems to go. Just Practicing? Have some self respect and respect for partners..


It is not a surprise that there are so many STD'S.

ALl those babies in UK that were taken away from their mothers and placed into Care or Adopted.

[RobinMask]

Originally Posted by dogsbody70

maybe but the point is that because of certain religions banning contraception-- spread of AIDS. So it is relevant.

How is it relevant to the original topic, which is dating in Japan?

[MissMisa]

Originally Posted by RobinMask

How is it relevant to the original topic, which is dating in Japan?

This.

It's not on topic so let's refer back to Japanese views on dating.