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12-13-2010, 12:24 AM
I think that the issue of dating a foreigner is being confused with actually marrying one.
In terms of family reaction, there is a huge difference. Most people will react with interest, fascination, approval, or even admiration when it comes to having a dating relationship with a foreigner. Move on to talk of marriage and the tables turn VERY quickly. When my husband and I were dating - there was never a single negative word from anyone. (The closest was a friend of his from high school who said something along the lines of "Why would a foreigner choose HIM?!?" but that certainly wasn`t negative in my direction...) When we told everyone our intent to marry - only one friend stuck to supporting us. The others quickly shifted to "It will never last." "Are you sure she isn`t just using you?" "Dating is fine and all, but marriage is for life! Do some more thinking!" etc etc. (Guess which friend we still are in touch with these days  ) We didn`t experience any family negativity, but they also weren`t jumping around because dating a foreigner was "cool". His mother got me alone in the car and asked me if I truly loved her son, and that was the end of it.I think that you might be surprised to see the difference in reactions for "dating" and "planning to marry". 
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12-13-2010, 03:47 AM
hmm cool topic,
i dont know alot about what japanese men think about western women in general but all i can say is i have seen some african american and east asian relationships (my friend was actually with an african american man for quite some time) and they had a baby together so it does happen and btw interacial couples have the hottest kids! (i can vouch for that since every single guy ive pretty much ever like has been mixed race) How can the world end at 2012 when my yogurt expires in 2013?
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12-13-2010, 04:38 AM
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I have also heard of foreigners being invited to weddings where they were so out of place just so there was an international presence there, to glorify the ordeal. And yes I have met loads of people that have wanted to be friends simple because I'm white, to be seen in public with me, because I can speak English, because I have blue eyes, because I can get them girls, etc etc, it sucks finding out who your true friends are when it comes down to it. But, I do think this is a representation of how Japan is embracing internationalism, wanting to have a friend because he's a foreigner, as opposed to shunning him, that's a symbol in itself, isn't it? Quote:
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12-13-2010, 04:49 AM
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You have met loads of people who are interested in you because of your race and the color of your eyes. Tell me, when were white people shunned in Japan after the Meiji Restoration? Again, does this sound like progress to you?
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12-13-2010, 05:01 AM
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Japan is racist in a different way, positive prejudice, in my opinion... I guess I'd rather be falsely admired than thought of as a lesser being, is what I was getting at. excluding ww2, I'm not sure that there was any point where Japanese people hated or shunned white people. I think my point at first was that an international/intercultural relationship would do just fine here, in fact it might do better, perhaps due to this. I guess a black woman coming to Japan might have difficulty finding a man who likes her instead of liking her skin or what she represents in the country. Tough one to test.
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12-13-2010, 05:07 AM
I think personality can help in many situations, even racial ones. However, racial undertones tend to interweave into a person's personality when they grow up. So it will depend a bit on your upbringing and the upbringing of the Japanese folks you happen to interact with.
Leastway's that's my thought on the subject.
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12-13-2010, 05:11 AM
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12-13-2010, 05:19 AM
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You know as well as I do that a relationship based on a racial presumption is doomed to failure. That's why I no longer talk to any of those "friends" back in Japan. It wasn't about me, the person, but me the white American, and not only was the relationship shallow, I was also easily replaceable.
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12-13-2010, 05:29 AM
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 As far as an intercultural relationship is concerned though, those people who approve or disapprove of it don't need to do so for the right reasons. What I mean is that if a black woman marries a japanese guy and all his family and friends are cool with it, the reasons are not such a big deal, so long as the marriage isn't under strain or pressure from those who can affect it. If, on the other hand, it were negative discrimination, it would be a huge issue. See where I'm headed with that?
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12-13-2010, 06:02 AM
In my experience, Japanese people view African Americans as they do other Americans. (They don't really know enough about them, other than the BS that's on T.V., Movies, and Music, to make a judgment call on who or what a black person can offer.) When I went to Japan 2009-2010, I went with three other white Americans. The Japanese never called me Black, they called me American. They didn't assume I came from Africa because I was black, they didn't treat me any differently than they treated the white Americans I came with.
Thinking more and more about this... I don't think that there was a time in history when the Japanese had a problem with Africans or African Americans specifically. The problems in that regard started in the Western world and I believe that some people still try to push the beliefs that they grew up with or where exposed to on the Japanese and their way of thinking as if they, too, think like the western world. Like RealJames was talking about his gf's grandparents. They aren't racist because he is white, they are racist because he is foreign. If it were someone like my brother, a black man, they would be the same way, not because he's black but because he's foreign. I think that it would be just as tough for a white woman, with blue eyes and blonde hair, to find a man that loves her for her and not her eyes or skin don't you think, RealJames? I know full well that a black woman would definitely stand out in Japan, but a white women would too in a place of mostly Asians. MMM, I asked you when you lived in Japan because it's very easy to judge the reactions of a society based off of the time period you experienced..... It was quite some time ago that you experience day to day life in Japan and times have definitely changed since you lived there. There were A LOT of people that wanted to take my picture or touch my hair (I have dreads) or even touch my boobs!!!!! (Japanese girls.... I guess to make sure they were real haha) But I never thought that they were my friends just because I was foreign. They didn't do that with my black friends from Kenya or France. I really believe it was my personally, my interests, my willingness to be outgoing (even when my Japanese wasn't good yet) that won them over. Nyororin makes a VALID point. Dating is TOTALLY different than marriage. That's went you put up or shut up, to put it bluntly. I have no doubt about being able to date a Japanese guy because it is just dating and if I'm there long enough, it'll happen at some point. But when all cards are laid out on the table and all bets are off, it is the marriage that matters. (To me at least) Please keep the comments coming.   A New Face
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