Interracial Relationships

[MMM]

Originally Posted by RealJames

well I can't say for sure, but they've met my best friend and have invited him to visit, and take pictures together too lol, once again probably for the wrong reasons. but like inuzuki mentioned, he gets the same treatment i do, and my gf treats him the same way she treats other white gaijin



just a few months, still in the honeymoon phase lol it's funny seeing it in a friend

Boyfriend's best friend is really different from the guy asking for a hand in marriage.

And honeymoon phase, for sure, I think.

[RealJames]

Originally Posted by MMM

A bonus in today's society? Ask the kid when he is being hazed in elementary school and junior high school for having a different skin tone and hair color.

At the high school I taught at kids weren't allowed to dye their hair. There were periodic "hair checks" to make sure their hair was black. If it wasn't they were separated from the rest of the grade in a public display. A couple kids had Filipino mothers and had to say in front of everyone they were mixed race, which is a hard thing to do. It was hard for the teachers to know what to do. Many kids pointed at my hair and said "His hair isn't black. Why does mine have to be?"

Keep in mind that mixed race children are 80%+ mixed with other Asian races...Korean, Chinese, Filipino, and that is NOT considered a "bonus" by any means. They may have a harder time getting married, as they don't have a complete "family tree".

You're right, Japanese people are very negatively racist against other asian peoples, and being a mix with any of them would be tough for kids.
But I wonder if being a mix with one of the non-asian peoples that is viewed positively by the culture would result in the same way.
I can perfectly imagine a kid proudly saying "My hair isn't black 'cuz my daddy is white!" and everyone else going "いいなぁ～" (jealous) you know?

And I imagine that when thinking of the kids troubles, they aren't thinking of school days but more so romantically, in the work-place and career, wouldn't being mixed with a non-asian parent help?
Imo it would, obviously I lack the experience to back it up though.

[RealJames]

Originally Posted by MMM

Boyfriend's best friend is really different from the guy asking for a hand in marriage.

And honeymoon phase, for sure, I think.

I agree, quite different, but their (and everyone else's) behaviour towards me and him seem to be the same. Which speaks well of Japan, even if they are equally positively discriminating against a white and a black person, it's still equal lol.

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by RealJames

wow that's intense, do you think your parents might be a tad more conservative or old fashioned than most others these days?
and wouldn't being a mixed kid be a bonus in today's society?

I am, and have the entire time, been talking about peers of the same age. I have not had any issues with my husband`s parents.
I am talking about FRIENDS we had. People in their early 20s at the time. Progressive university students - not conservative and old fashioned older people.

I think you missed that.

Having or being a mixed child is not a bonus in today`s society. Try talking to real mixed children who grew up in Japan, or to parents raising them.
Having someone say "Aww! So cute!!" or "Halfs are so hot!" is not improving quality of life.

I can perfectly imagine a kid proudly saying "My hair isn't black 'cuz my daddy is white!" and everyone else going "いいなぁ～" (jealous) you know?

OR... try more like 「だから馬鹿なんだぁ～　納得～　ちゃんと日本語分か らないのか～？　うぜぇー」
Kids don`t say いいなぁ～ - they get jealous in a negative way because of the additional attention. You think a boy or girl who is half and maybe thought to be getting some extra attention from the opposite sex is going to be popular with their peers?

[MMM]

Originally Posted by RealJames

You're right, Japanese people are very negatively racist against other asian peoples, and being a mix with any of them would be tough for kids.
But I wonder if being a mix with one of the non-asian peoples that is viewed positively by the culture would result in the same way.
I can perfectly imagine a kid proudly saying "My hair isn't black 'cuz my daddy is white!" and everyone else going "いいなぁ～" (jealous) you know?

And I imagine that when thinking of the kids troubles, they aren't thinking of school days but more so romantically, in the work-place and career, wouldn't being mixed with a non-asian parent help?
Imo it would, obviously I lack the experience to back it up though.

I take it you haven't spent much time in Japanese schools. That "いいなぁ～" by the girls is every other boy in the class trying to figure out how to knock you down four pegs. Japanese kids are cruel, I will say it straight out. All kids are cruel, but the system of trying to fit in at Japanese schools (hair color, no piercings, uniforms, etc.) makes things impossible for kids of mixed races. You want to be the only kid with a katakana last name? You want to be assumed you are perfect at English because one of your parents is white? I have seen the "talento" Bekii on TV say more that once she can't speak English, even though everyone assumes she can.
I remember a mixed race contestant on the dating show Ainori. He was a handsome young man with a German dad and Japanese mom, but he was so hazed and stereotyped he became a video game nerd and lived completely in that world. That's just my observation, nothing more.

[RealJames]

Originally Posted by Nyororin

I am, and have the entire time, been talking about peers of the same age. I have not had any issues with my husband`s parents.
I am talking about FRIENDS we had. People in their early 20s at the time. Progressive university students - not conservative and old fashioned older people.

I think you missed that.

Having or being a mixed child is not a bonus in today`s society. Try talking to real mixed children who grew up in Japan, or to parents raising them.
Having someone say "Aww! So cute!!" or "Halfs are so hot!" is not improving quality of life.

You're right, I did miss that part.

what you say honestly comes as a surprise to me, it's saddening and I really hope yours is an isolated case, if not at least a minority case.

I have a few friends that are married to japanese people, but haven't heard of anything like this before.

did the criticism continue after the marriage, was it only before and leading up to it? or has it persisted since?

part of what shocks me is that japanese people would even voice an opinion like that let alone have it, I practically have to wrestle opinions out of my friends if they are in any way negative

[MMM]

Originally Posted by RealJames

I agree, quite different, but their (and everyone else's) behaviour towards me and him seem to be the same. Which speaks well of Japan, even if they are equally positively discriminating against a white and a black person, it's still equal lol.

Of course they TREAT you the same. They aren't Neanderthals!

[RealJames]

Originally Posted by MMM

I take it you haven't spent much time in Japanese schools. That "いいなぁ～" by the girls is every other boy in the class trying to figure out how to knock you down four pegs. Japanese kids are cruel, I will say it straight out. All kids are cruel, but the system of trying to fit in at Japanese schools (hair color, no piercings, uniforms, etc.) makes things impossible for kids of mixed races. You want to be the only kid with a katakana last name? You want to be assumed you are perfect at English because one of your parents is white? I have seen the "talento" Bekii on TV say more that once she can't speak English, even though everyone assumes she can.
I remember a mixed race contestant on the dating show Ainori. He was a handsome young man with a German dad and Japanese mom, but he was so hazed and stereotyped he became a video game nerd and lived completely in that world. That's just my observation, nothing more.

You're right I have no experience at all in Japanese schools, I have the luxury of dealing with kids one on one, when they appear to be little angels lol.

I can imagine everything you described though, and envision it's quite true, but what of after school?
The life of a celebrity always sucks, mixed or not.
Getting stereotyped is a fact most of the world deals with except those who live in a place where they are the visible majority, and even then must have no defining traits lol (freckles, red hair, too tall, w/e)
Life does favour the aesthetically pleasing, and mixed people tend to fall in that category more than others.
Life would suck for the ugly mixed person though ><

[Nyororin]

Originally Posted by RealJames

what you say honestly comes as a surprise to me, it's saddening and I really hope yours is an isolated case, if not at least a minority case.

It`s not. I`ve lived in Japan more than 10 years, am a member of multiple communities for international couples, and have talked to countless people. We`re the exception, I suppose, as it was only friends who quietly hinted to my husband to ditch the idea... And not all the relatives and co-workers.

did the criticism continue after the marriage, was it only before and leading up to it? or has it persisted since?

We haven`t maintained contact with most of them after graduation - some of them quietly cut off the friendship because my husband was choosing to ruin his life and not take their advice. We met a few of them a couple years back, and I assure you they were completely shocked that we were still married - and happily at that.

part of what shocks me is that japanese people would even voice an opinion like that let alone have it, I practically have to wrestle opinions out of my friends if they are in any way negative

It isn`t as if they were shouting it on the rooftops. No matter how soft spoken someone is, if they feel a friend is making a seriously detrimental decision - they will quietly tell that friend what they think.
And if you don`t think Japanese can have such strong opinions... Well, I am seeing racism here that isn`t coming from the Japanese side.

You know... I really strongly get the feeling that you`re surrounded by the type who love foreigners (superficially) and the type of foreigner who loves Japanese because they`re Japanese.

[RealJames]

Originally Posted by MMM

Of course they TREAT you the same. They aren't Neanderthals!

lol I don't just mean common courtesy and polite behaviour etc
I mean we both get invited to the same parties, girls hit on us just the same, people are not more or less happy if only one of us shows up than if the other did. We both have the same difficulties and and ease making friends. That kind of thing.